Were You Awake Too?

It's currently 2:23 a.m. and my little one won't sleep. Were you awake too?

I can feel the exhaustion through my bones beginning to seep...were you awake too?

Over the weary miles you traveled, only to find no room in the inn.

A young, innocent mother-to-be, so pure and free of sin.

It was late when you finally found a place, so I know it was late when He came.

Your body, worn and travel weary, now also wracked with pain.

I suspect you did as I do, though, instead of sleeping for a time,

You stayed awake because you couldn't help but stare at your little one Divine. 

Did you lay him down in the manger so you could rest for a while?

Or did you hold him close, and stare at that sleepy smile?

Were you overcome with the thought that He is your responsibility now?

The Son of God, a tiny babe, sleeping in your arms with furrowed brow.

I'm certain that in the wee hours, you stayed up thinking it through. Why did God choose me? You wondered. I think the same things too.

I know that God believed in you, and so I know he believes in me. Mothers, He knows, are the ones who will teach us carefully. 

So every night, when my son won't sleep, I wonder the whole night through,

Late at night in that stable in Bethlehem, were you awake too?

The Spirit of the Season

My husband asked me once why I go "Christmas crazy". It happens to a lot of us, as soon as Thanksgiving is over. We feel that spirit of the season, and it totally takes over! It's also crazy busy....Christmas shopping, wrapping presents, making treats for neighbors, planning parties, finishing up Christmas orders for customers...the list goes on. Sometimes, it gets so stressful and that's the opposite of what Christmas is supposed to be. So why do I do it?

For me, it isn't about the presents. Or needing new things. Or keeping up appearances. 

It is about celebrating the greatest gift of all, the birth of a Savior. I feel the best way to celebrate that is to give back in any way I can. 

It's important to me to make sure the people who help us, love us, and support us all year long know just how much we appreciate them. It's important to me to help someone in need. It's important to me to spend quality time with the people I love. It's important to me to make this time of year magical for my kids and create lasting traditions that they will remember, and someday continue in their own families.

So sure, it is a lot to do in one month. But I wouldn't have it any other way!

Old Soul

Dear Old Soul,

Do you love things that make your life feel like an old-time movie reel, like I do? Do you prefer the scratch of vinyl to the perfect sound of new age electronics? Have you come to realize that living your life in an "old fashioned" way gives you more purpose? That it's much easier to live intentionally? 

I love old fashioned things...I love my 1950s record player, dancing to Ronnie Milsap in the living room in the lantern light, and hanging clothes on the line in the summer sun. I love listening to my grandparents tell me stories about their childhood, and about my ancestors. Their stories inspire me and help me know where I come from. 

I love the smell of homemade bread baking in the oven and I enjoy making a home cooked meal for my family.

I like antique stores, finding a few special pieces and giving them new life. I love to imagine where they came from and how the people who owned them must have enjoyed them.

I love living off the grid, though I don't get the chance too often. I love cooking over a fire and just enjoying the company of the people I love without any of the distractions of the modern world.

I love to read REAL books...mostly old westerns. I also love to listen to books on tape while I'm driving instead of listening to music. 

I love to write letters and having a pen pal is so much more exciting than sending a text. 

Something about the instant gratification of all the modern day technology completely takes away our appreciation for things like snail mail. I often wish we could just go back! I always swear I was born in the wrong century. Being an old soul in today's world can really make you a misfit...but I wouldn't have it any other way.

A Quarter of a Century Ago

You watch her bounce a baby on her hip while another little one runs loose around you. She hums to the baby to soothe him and grabs the wild, outstretched arm of the toddler as he runs by. He screams and stomps his feet with discontent. 

You think back on all the memories you have like this of you with your babies...at the time overwhelming and now nostalgic. You'd give anything to have those days back again, if only for a little while. The things you might've done differently, you tell yourself. And yet, you must have done something right. The girl you're watching is yours, after all. She's a good mama to those boys. 

You watch the baby stare at her and you long for that sweet gaze again. To be somebody's entire world. It's exhausting and draining but you never felt more needed, more important. It feels like yesterday and a million years ago all at the same time. A quarter of a century ago. You can't believe it. Time is such a thief. 

Time is also a beautiful blessing, you realize as you watch your grandson. He is a hilarious, vivacious child, so full of life and laughter. There aren't many children like this one. Your role as a grandma might just be your favorite one. Mama was...is...the greatest role of your life. But grandma? It's a whole new world of fun and memories to come.

Dear Sister...

Dear Sister,

I know all you've ever wanted was to be a Mama. I know that for a heart wrenchingly long time, you've wondered why it hasn't happened for you yet. You watch friends and family having baby after baby, and even those others with infertility are having success. So why haven't you? 

You sort of let go of hope, I know. You thought maybe it wasn't in the cards for you. You love your nieces and nephews like your own...is that enough? You tell yourself it is for now but you know it isn't. 

I know your life has been insane for the 7 years you've been married. You've held on for dear life to faith and knowing that God has a plan for your life because it is what keeps you sane. 

Now though, things are settling down. Your husband is always home and all those cross country moves have ended for a while. You've found a beautiful place you both love and can see a future there. And for the first time in years, you have hope shining in your heart again. I know you're afraid to let the sunshine in and count your chickens before they've hatched, but have faith! 

Have faith because it isn't only your prayers He is hearing. He hears mine, He hears mama's, He hears prayers of SO MANY people that are praying on your behalf.

He has heard the many nights you've stayed awake crying and praying and wishing with all your heart.

He has heard me begging Him to give you a baby because your pain makes my heart hurt so much, and nobody is more deserving than you. If I could just GIVE you a baby I would have, long ago.

So dear sister, have faith! Let the hope steal your heart and KNOW that one way or another,  this is going to happen for you. And I just can't wait.

A Love Story For the Ages

Dear Ty,

Maybe I don't tell you enough how grateful I am for you, and for the wonderful relationship we have. You and I have overcome so many obstacles and proved wrong so many naysayers. We're making our dreams a reality together!

I love that you are my home and my safe place. Even on the days that we are snippy with each other or when we argue more than we should,  I know that when we climb in bed at night you'll still hold out your arm for me to come lay with you. At the end of the day, you're always the one I run to.

You're the only one who can calm my anxious mind. You wrap me in a big hug and stroke my hair until I feel better. You are my rock and the calm in my storm. 

Every time we go through a rough patch or a hard place together, we always come out stronger and closer. I love the way we have no-boundaries communication and tell each other absolutely everything, even the things that are hard to say. 

I love how our love keeps getting better with time. We are always working on the hard things and becoming more patient and better forgivers. We are getting to understand the reasons behind the ornery days and getting better at putting ourselves in each other's shoes.

I'm so grateful for a husband who never gives up on me and is more than willing to work on our relationship and change the things that need changing or improving. 

I'm grateful to be married to a dreamer like myself, to be married to someone who is always looking for ways to grow and better himself.

I believe in you and in us so much. I know we can accomplish ANYTHING together. We're the perfect team. Thank you for giving me a love story for the ages; for giving me a love that is kind and forgiving and withstands the storms and the test of time. I'm so glad I get to do forever with you!

When it Was All Just a Dream (pt. 2)

This is what happiness looks like for me. It's 10:00 on a Saturday morning, breakfast is on the stove and there is a happy boy running to the door as you come in, saying, "Daddy, miss you!"
The oven beeps and the cinnamon rolls are done. There are happy giggles coming from the living room as our little boy ropes the dummy with you. The baby is playing on the floor and making gurgling sounds. Remember when it was all just a dream?

Outside, it's a beautiful summer morning and the horses are grazing in the pasture. The dogs are barking; there's a big crane in the yard! Tell loves it and says "want see big duck!"
We always talk about how we wish we could freeze him at this age; he is the funniest, sweetest boy. Remember when this was all just a dream?

We now have our second little boy, who we've been talking about since Tell was a baby. Our little Cas is the sweetest, happiest, most mellow baby. Tell loves him so much and he is the best addition to our family. Remember when he was just a dream?
I can see it now, our little cuties wrestling on the rug while we try to watch a movie on a rainy Sunday. We give up on the movie and sit on the porch to watch the storm while the boys run wild through the yard, screaming and laughing.
We're looking out on our field of horses, a couple of babies grazing with their mamas. You mention how we need to go check the cows this afternoon and make sure the trough is running. I'll smile and lean up against you on the porch swing, sigh happily and say, "Remember when this life was just a dream?"
Later, we pile the boys in the truck and head up to your parents' house for Sunday dinner. You talk to your dad about the cows, and the hay and the weather. Your mom gives me the rundown on how everyone has been doing, and I tell her our happy secret... we're expecting baby #3!
This is the beautiful future I dream about with you...and someday, we'll look back on these early days of dreaming, after all the hard work and planning to achieve our goals. We'll smile and say, "Remember when it was all just a dream?"