Tell is 8!

My darling boy,

Where can I even begin? 

You are the most wonderful, curious, imaginative, believer that anything is possible, beautiful, empathetic soul who is the twin to my own. You remind me every day of who I once was, and still wish to be.

You and I do tend to butt heads-we're so much alike in a lot of ways that don't favor us. And I know sometimes you might feel...forgotten. Or unseen or misunderstood. I think the main problem is, I understand you so completely that sometimes I forget to show you that and help you know it for the fact it is. I see every part of you, and love all of the wonderful boy you're becoming.

You see the world through rose colored lenses, as I once did, and I pray you never lose that entirely.

You have the most beautiful heart, Tell. You're a friend to all and kind to everyone. You see the good in people no matter what. Don't let anyone use you for your goodness. Continue to be Christ-like in all you do. You're the greatest example of that, and I know you're going to be such a strong disciple! 

I owe you a thousand apologies, my sweet son. I'm not the mother you deserve. I don't always have time or patience when I should. I don't always speak kindly. You always forgive me, and I don't deserve that. I try harder every day, and I hope you know it's all for you and your siblings. 

You're the brightest light in more days than mine, sweet one. Never lose your zest for life!! I love you to the moon.

Love, Mama

One Last Hug

I would give anything to give you one last hug, you dressed up in your grey Sunday suit, the scent of your old spice after shave and listerine breath strips filling my senses. You almost certainly have a Werther's hard candy and a cotton handkerchief in your jacket pocket. You smile your big, friendly grin at me as you pat my back and I wrap my arms tightly around your middle. I would give anything for one last hug like that, though I had a thousand of them in our too-short time together in this life.

When It Was All Just A Dream Pt 8

I've hesitated writing this entry this time around because I've been so beaten down by life I couldn't see the light. I can see the pattern of my downward trod in the tenor of my writing over the last couple of years..and it's a hard thing to admit, even to myself. 

But then, my world lights again as I see the way our little girl screams and laughs with excitement to see you home from work, her blue eyes dancing and her sweet smile as cheesy as it gets. "Can I go wis you Dad?" She asks. Remember when this was all just a dream?

A little spot of joy found me in the middle of the day as I looked out the kitchen window- our kitchen window- at the bright sunshine and the fall colors overtaking the landscape. We did finally do it- our house is our house now and we are homeowners. It's a beautiful home that we've been working so hard to make ours. Remember when this was all just a dream?

I smile as I watch our wonderful, thoughtful, kind boys help and play with their baby sister so sweetly. I could never have dreamed up three more wonderful people. Remember when they were just a dream? The hopeful imaginings of young love?

Our love might not be as young as it once was, but it is strong and steady, that and the Savior being the stable forces in our lives. We have been through things this year I'm quite certain we never dreamed up at all. Life has felt heavy and I'm unsure how to unburden myself. I thought surely the loss of a pregnancy, a sweet child that was ours, would steal what was left of my joy and zest for life and run away with it forever. It still feels that way sometimes. 

But then, I get on my red horse and let him run as far and as fast as he wants. The wind whips my hair and sets my heart pounding. It brings me back to life, and I think about all the beautiful things in our life. Nice horses, a little herd of cows, living the life we always wanted. Remember when it was all just a dream?

The horses, the cows, the babies, the house. They have always been part of our biggest plans. It seems we have accomplished much of what we dreamt of all those years ago. And now, despite the heartache we feel over life's hardships, we can look around at the life we're still building and say, 

"Remember when this was all just a dream?"

Branding Daze

I hope they always remember these days with as much fondness as I do.

Waking up with the sun, pulling on stiff, cold jeans and dirt crusted boots. Walking out the door with tired eyes and happy hearts. Catching horses in the brisk morning air, the feels and smells of everything so different this early. The horses look sleepy too, and look a little grudgingly at us as we throw our saddles on. 

Listening to the top 20 country countdown as we cruise down the highway, eating our hurried breakfast in the truck, I look in my rear view mirror and see excited little faces, and little voices asking, "Mama when will we be at the branding?"

And, "Can I help nut calves today?"

I love their eagerness, and I know I'll look back on these days as some of the sweetest in my life. 

We pull up to the trap, smells of corral dust and sagebrush invading our senses as we step out of the truck. 

We hear the calves bawling, the air is starting to grow warm, and it's going to be a beautiful day.

Maybe She's a Wildflower

Maybe she's a wildflower,

Growing in the sun and the warm summer rain.

Bright, sweet and lovely, 

Filling our days with joy and love unfeigned.

Maybe she's a wildflower, and maybe she will always be.

Running barefoot through a field, 

Growing up to be just like me 🩷

Intention

Sometimes I look at my precious babies and think...

There's no way I'm the mother God chose for these souls. I fall short, I lose my temper, and I don't always parent with as much intention as I should. And I just know I'm not doing enough. That I HAVE to do better, because of course I do. These babies deserve better, and so do I. God calls me to do better and be better. Improvement and progression is, after all, why we're here. 

But I don't feel pressure from Him to do better the same way you might feel it from the world. The world says, you're not enough. You can't do it all, but you have to anyway. 

Christ tells us that through Him, anything is possible. Anything. So I don't feel pressure. Instead, I feel called. Uplifted. Even carried in my rough moments. We are all called to do better and live with intention in the life God made us for. Not with deadlines or pressure, but with a sure sense of who we are, and because of that, we know we're meant for more. And we can achieve anything, through Christ, after all we can do.

So no, I'm not going to give myself a break because I'm "doing my best". I am not, in fact, living up to what God is calling me to do. 

So this year, what I am called to pursue is intention. Intention behind my thoughts and the words I speak over and to my children. More intention with my time and energy. Leaving behind those things that do not serve my family, because I am the spiritual protector of my family, and I form the culture and atmosphere of my home. 

If you feel exhausted and overwhelmed in motherhood or in life, give it all to the One who pours blessing out upon you. He will lift you up, call you to more, and help you achieve what you never dreamed you could. 

❤️ XO, The Cowboy's Wife 

When It Was All Just A Dream pt 7

BUSY. That's what the whole year has felt like. Flying by in a crazy blur of work, school, family parties, cows, horses, and everything else. I feel like I haven't caught my breath since last summer. But I turn around and there you are, the calm in my chaos, reining in my anxiety and quieting my overwhelm. Remember when it was all just a dream?

I don't think we realized the challenges we would have to meet in this life when we started out. Does anyone? But I'm so glad I get to do it with you. The kids, the cows, the horses, all of it. It keeps us busier than we can manage. Remember when it was all just a dream?

In the quiet moments of reflection, I see how much God has blessed us and continues to do so every day. He throws wrenches in our carefully laid "plans" because He knows what we truly need. And all we can rely on in this chaos that is life is God and each other. Remember when it was all just a dream?

Sometimes it feels as though we're just floating on our faith and hopes for the future, others it feels as though we might finally have our feet under us. But man, what a beautiful journey. It wouldn't be exciting at all if everything went according to plan. We'll just trust in the Lord, hold on to each other for all we're worth, and see where the next year takes us. I can't even imagine what a dream it'll be!