Intention

Sometimes I look at my precious babies and think...

There's no way I'm the mother God chose for these souls. I fall short, I lose my temper, and I don't always parent with as much intention as I should. And I just know I'm not doing enough. That I HAVE to do better, because of course I do. These babies deserve better, and so do I. God calls me to do better and be better. Improvement and progression is, after all, why we're here. 

But I don't feel pressure from Him to do better the same way you might feel it from the world. The world says, you're not enough. You can't do it all, but you have to anyway. 

Christ tells us that through Him, anything is possible. Anything. So I don't feel pressure. Instead, I feel called. Uplifted. Even carried in my rough moments. We are all called to do better and live with intention in the life God made us for. Not with deadlines or pressure, but with a sure sense of who we are, and because of that, we know we're meant for more. And we can achieve anything, through Christ, after all we can do.

So no, I'm not going to give myself a break because I'm "doing my best". I am not, in fact, living up to what God is calling me to do. 

So this year, what I am called to pursue is intention. Intention behind my thoughts and the words I speak over and to my children. More intention with my time and energy. Leaving behind those things that do not serve my family, because I am the spiritual protector of my family, and I form the culture and atmosphere of my home. 

If you feel exhausted and overwhelmed in motherhood or in life, give it all to the One who pours blessing out upon you. He will lift you up, call you to more, and help you achieve what you never dreamed you could. 

❤️ XO, The Cowboy's Wife 

When It Was All Just A Dream pt 7

BUSY. That's what the whole year has felt like. Flying by in a crazy blur of work, school, family parties, cows, horses, and everything else. I feel like I haven't caught my breath since last summer. But I turn around and there you are, the calm in my chaos, reining in my anxiety and quieting my overwhelm. Remember when it was all just a dream?

I don't think we realized the challenges we would have to meet in this life when we started out. Does anyone? But I'm so glad I get to do it with you. The kids, the cows, the horses, all of it. It keeps us busier than we can manage. Remember when it was all just a dream?

In the quiet moments of reflection, I see how much God has blessed us and continues to do so every day. He throws wrenches in our carefully laid "plans" because He knows what we truly need. And all we can rely on in this chaos that is life is God and each other. Remember when it was all just a dream?

Sometimes it feels as though we're just floating on our faith and hopes for the future, others it feels as though we might finally have our feet under us. But man, what a beautiful journey. It wouldn't be exciting at all if everything went according to plan. We'll just trust in the Lord, hold on to each other for all we're worth, and see where the next year takes us. I can't even imagine what a dream it'll be!

Story Snippets: All She Ever Wanted

She trotted her big roan horse over the hill, trying to get ahead of some cows. They'd ridden up from the bottom to push the cows to more feed. It was dry and dusty after a long hot summer with nearly no rain. The sage, cedar, and dust of the cow trail filled her senses as the sun dipped behind the horizon. She came down off the hill at a run, beating the horned cow before she got too far north. As she turned around to look back up the hill, she laughed out loud with delight to see two little hats bobbing above the sagebrush; her two little boys on their ponies, staying behind the herd and pushing them down the hill. This is it, she thought. All I ever wanted.

Tell is 7

My dear sweet boy,

As the years fly by and I watch you grow up, I can't help but be ecstatic, heartbroken, and incredibly proud. Each version of you is my favorite and none of them are permanent. You're changing before my eyes. Getting so independent, yet still wanting to be my little boy. 

I'm sorry I'm impatient most of the time. I feel like I rarely have a moment to slow down and just look at you. Your beautiful green eyes, the sweet sprinkle of freckles across your nose, those long dark eyelashes. You're always so thoughtful and helpful to me. Your sweet spirit radiates light and kindness everywhere you go. You love everyone and every person you meet is a potential new friend. You teach me every day how to be more like our Savior. I can't imagine a person more like Him than you, my sweet boy.

You're so funny and the most talkative little person. You're bright and sometimes sarcastic, really leaning into your attitude lately. You're smart and stubborn and are always full of big ideas. I love how creative you are. 

You always say you are everything you love and that is beautiful to me. You are so wise beyond your years. Everyone is made up of the things they love, and it's unbelievable that you recognize that at such a young age. 

Don't let the world tamp down your sweet spirit. You're tough too, so don't let anyone step on your toes. I love you more than life, sweet Tell boy. Happiest birthday. 

Love, Mama

The Next Generation

I stand at the side of the arena, holding the baby and watching my two small boys play tag on their ponies. A cowboy is all they want to be.

My oldest rides his sometimes cantankerous pony, moving some cows. She's not cooperating with him and pitches forward, head down and feet splayed, unseating my little boy, who is all of 40 inches tall. He rolls into the dirt, promptly jumps up, and yells, "What has gotten into you!" Gets back on, and away they go.

I watch my 5 year old son, bareback on a big, tall gelding as he trots around and rides like he was born on the back of a horse. 

I ride with my boys, a baby strapped to my back, as we move our cows up the road to a new summer pasture. 

They proudly proclaim to anyone who will listen,

"We're cowboys! We're not afraid of anything!"

They're brave, strong, determined, and full of fire. They're kind, soft, thoughtful, loving, and willing. Their horses are their mirrors and it's a beautiful thing to see. 

My baby girl giggles as the whiskers of her pony tickle her face. I watch her sigh and breathe deep when the horse blows on her, trying to catch her scent. She rides along on our big roan gelding with me, grabbing his mane in two chubby fists and kicking her feet, squealing with delight. This is what it's all about, watching them fill their souls with the life we're building them. Cowboys aren't a dying breed. We're raising the next generation. 

Watch That Branch

I was with my Grandpa on the Bar J Ranch, a place that will always have a special hold on my heart. 

I was riding his old, cantankerous gelding who was fast on his feet and heavy on the bit. We had ridden up to the top of the road above the ranch house and behind the barn to get some strays out the gate. This gate was not in a great location. Twice I'd been bucked off Grandpa's palomino colt up there because of a bog you had to cross to get to the gate, and today we had to chase the neighbor's cows through the thick oak brush on the other side. Well old Norman knew his job, but didn't much care to listen to his rider when she happened to be a 14 year old girl. He dashed through the oak brush having no care for himself or for me, only for the cows. He ducked and dodged, and one branch hit me squarely on the side of my eye and nearly unseated me. The old boy didn't slow down, and Grandpa was hollering at me to get around the cows before they made a break for it. I'll tell you, cowboying will toughen you up from a young age.

Happy Anniversary

On our third anniversary, Ty told me there were 4 or 5 pair that had come off the mountain and we needed to trailer load them and haul them off. We got down the road and set up the trailer next to the fence with a couple panels. We had our 2 year old boy, 5 month old baby, and a couple horses in the trailer. It was supposed to be a "real quick" operation (they never turn out that way with a rancher) and so I loaded Tell on our Sunny mare with me. Castle was asleep and it was a cool day, so we left him napping safely in the truck. Ty was on a 4 wheeler and Tell and I zipped down the fence and started trailing the cows up to the gate. They were maybe only 50 yards from the truck, so it really should've been a quick job. But there's always that one cow. 

She was red, of course. It's always a red cow or a brockle that will give you trouble. She took off in the opposite direction and we played hell chasing her down. We barely got it done, even with a good cowhorse and a 4 wheeler. My tough little guy bounced on the saddle in front of me as we chased her down. It took a few tries but we finally got the old biddy and got them all loaded in the trailer after some shouting and maybe a lot of cursing. Afterwards, my husband remarked that we should've just trailed the b*tches. We finished off our special night with Mo Bettas, eaten in the truck in the parking lot since it was the middle of the pandemic.