That Pivotal Moment

The moment I first felt like a mother...

I wouldn't highlight it as the moment I first felt baby kick.

Or the moment when I first heard that wonderful cry.

Or the moment when they laid my beautiful boy on my chest.

I wouldn't even say it was when we were finally all home as a family.

I recall very early on in my pregnancy, (I was probably 5 or 6 weeks along) I was riding through my father-in-law's field on a colt with my husband. Now, it wasn't a bad colt and he wasn't super green. But I also recall it being the only time I was truly afraid on a horse. He got a little silly about crossing a ditch and I burst into tears.

Tyrell had no idea what to make of this, never having had to worry about me on a horse before.

The difference this time is that I wasn't worried about myself. I was worried about the tiny child growing inside of me, despite the fact the only evidence was a pregnancy test and I'm not sure Ty quite believed it was true! 

That was the moment. 

It was a pivotal moment of huge change in my life, one I will always remember.

My normally fearless, I'll-try-anything-once self had turned into something else entirely.

Suddenly my brain was working overtime thinking of all the things that could go wrong.

That hasn't really stopped since then. Now, I have two little ones to worry about. 

Isn't that what being a mother is all about? Constantly thinking of someone else's needs, worrying about someone else's well being? 

I sometimes miss being able to live in the moment more, to be fearless, to be willing to try anything. But I wouldn't trade my babies, or the person I've become because of them, for the world. 

XO, The Cowboy's Wife