2020 Year in Review

 This year has been hard on pretty much everyone, I would venture to guess. Maybe for us, it was hard for different reasons than for most. To be honest, COVID didn't really impact our lives. Because of the lifestyle we live, we really didn't change anything about our daily lives. I know we're very lucky to be able to say that. 

2020 was hard on us in much different ways. Just before the end of 2019, I started having pregnancy complications and they carried into the New Year. I started my year being pretty much house bound, and also being sick enough that I had no desire to leave the house anyways. In March, I called Tyrell one day and told him he needed to come home from work. I couldn't breathe and was afraid I would pass out if I got off the couch. We went right to the emergency room at Timpanogos and dropped Tell off at Great-Grandma's house. 

They did a CT scan and it was discovered that I had a pulmonary embolism. After that, I was hospitalized off and on until the baby came, which was a little scary also! I started into labor the morning of my scheduled C-Section, and as soon as they hooked me up to the baby monitors, I had a contraction and his heart rate deceled pretty bad. They prepped me immediately instead of waiting until the time they had scheduled. My doctor said we couldn't wait the full time for the spinal to kick in fully, and so I felt a lot of cutting-tearing-stretching-pulling. But as soon as I heard that first little cry, and the doctor say, 

"It's a boy! And not a small boy!"

None of the pain or the months of sickness, depression, and general misery mattered in the least.

Castle has been a huge blessing and source of peace in our lives. He is the calm for me in the every day storms. 

I had a hard time recovering from this delivery, and had infections and mastitis and seemingly endless complications, and really didn't feel like I was on the uphill for 3 or 4 months. 

This year has been hard on our animals and on our peace as well. Our cute milk cow that I adored had to be put down in July, and my favorite little horse just a month or two later. Our best dog that we've had for 6 years got killed just after weaning her pups. 

We have been in limbo, not knowing what to do next with our lives and not knowing where we should go, yet knowing it feels like it is time to make a change. We so love where we are, the ranch we work for, and the people we are lucky to call our ranch family. It has been the only home we have known together. However, we know we can't stay forever. And so this year has been hard on our peace of mind.

In November, our little Cas was diagnosed with infantile spasms. It was a scary time, not knowing if it would impede his development or if he had some sort of abnormality he would live with for the rest of his life. Our prayers were answered, and Priesthood blessings were given. Our little fella responded quickly to treatment, and our neurologist says that our outcome was absolutely best case scenario. While we don't know whether or not he will develop more seizures or epilepsy later on in life, for now he is doing so well and we couldn't be more grateful for that.

So, while 2020 offered us plenty of hardship and obstacles to overcome, I have grown and learned so much.

I learned that no matter how hard the waves of life pound you, and try to drown you, and just keep coming over and over again even when you thought you were in the clear, it isn't hard to stay optimistic. It is so easy to see all of the wonderful blessings we have. Having faith and sticking close to one another is what has brought my family through the jungle of 2020 with smiles on our faces.

I have learned, or rather reaffirmed, that I am married to an absolute saint. Choosing to love me and treat me with kindness and respect despite the total change of personality when I am pregnant is just the icing on the cake. We have broken down barriers and learned so much about each other this year. We have renewed our promise to love each other for better or worse, and a lot of times this year it was the latter for both of us. Knowing that you have someone to stand beside you and pick you up when you're down in the dirt is an amazing feeling. Marriage is never 50/50 and we have both spend our share being the 20% person. We both know we're allowed that because the other person will pick up the slack and push on for both of us. We have become much closer and much stronger this year.

I learned that I just don't deserve my beautiful boys. Tell is my sunshine and makes all my days brighter with his constant laughter and a smile never far from his lips. I have learned more about unconditional love from my children than I even knew could exist. They love me on my grumpy days, my haven't-showered-for-a-while days, my impatient days where I yell more than I should, and everything in between. They both want to cuddle with me, give me loves and kisses, and Tell is always saying "Love you mom!" I really don't deserve these angel boys.

We have fallen on some wonderful opportunities and a lot of answered prayers in the last month. My cute husband keeps pushing me to follow my dreams, and makes sure I'm there to work colts with him. He pushes me past my fears and makes me get on some (the gentle ones). He pushes me to take time for myself and rediscover my first love and passion, which is working with my horses, the young ones in particular. My family has become my greatest passion, and so my kids get most of my time as they should. But Ty knows that I need a break every once in a while and makes sure I take one.

I am beyond grateful for the life and the family Ty and I have created together. It's all I've ever wanted, and more than I could've possibly dreamed. I can't wait to see where 2021 takes us. I have a feeling it's going to be a big year for us, and hopefully we will see some fulfilled dreams. No matter what happens, I'm so lucky to do life with my family, and all of my people. I'm grateful for every single one of you!

XO, the Cowboy's Wife

Were You Awake Too?

It's currently 2:23 a.m. and my little one won't sleep. Were you awake too?

I can feel the exhaustion through my bones beginning to seep...were you awake too?

Over the weary miles you traveled, only to find no room in the inn.

A young, innocent mother-to-be, so pure and free of sin.

It was late when you finally found a place, so I know it was late when He came.

Your body, worn and travel weary, now also wracked with pain.

I suspect you did as I do, though, instead of sleeping for a time,

You stayed awake because you couldn't help but stare at your little one Divine. 

Did you lay him down in the manger so you could rest for a while?

Or did you hold him close, and stare at that sleepy smile?

Were you overcome with the thought that He is your responsibility now?

The Son of God, a tiny babe, sleeping in your arms with furrowed brow.

I'm certain that in the wee hours, you stayed up thinking it through. Why did God choose me? You wondered. I think the same things too.

I know that God believed in you, and so I know he believes in me. Mothers, He knows, are the ones who will teach us carefully. 

So every night, when my son won't sleep, I wonder the whole night through,

Late at night in that stable in Bethlehem, were you awake too?

The Spirit of the Season

My husband asked me once why I go "Christmas crazy". It happens to a lot of us, as soon as Thanksgiving is over. We feel that spirit of the season, and it totally takes over! It's also crazy busy....Christmas shopping, wrapping presents, making treats for neighbors, planning parties, finishing up Christmas orders for customers...the list goes on. Sometimes, it gets so stressful and that's the opposite of what Christmas is supposed to be. So why do I do it?

For me, it isn't about the presents. Or needing new things. Or keeping up appearances. 

It is about celebrating the greatest gift of all, the birth of a Savior. I feel the best way to celebrate that is to give back in any way I can. 

It's important to me to make sure the people who help us, love us, and support us all year long know just how much we appreciate them. It's important to me to help someone in need. It's important to me to spend quality time with the people I love. It's important to me to make this time of year magical for my kids and create lasting traditions that they will remember, and someday continue in their own families.

So sure, it is a lot to do in one month. But I wouldn't have it any other way!

Old Soul

Dear Old Soul,

Do you love things that make your life feel like an old-time movie reel, like I do? Do you prefer the scratch of vinyl to the perfect sound of new age electronics? Have you come to realize that living your life in an "old fashioned" way gives you more purpose? That it's much easier to live intentionally? 

I love old fashioned things...I love my 1950s record player, dancing to Ronnie Milsap in the living room in the lantern light, and hanging clothes on the line in the summer sun. I love listening to my grandparents tell me stories about their childhood, and about my ancestors. Their stories inspire me and help me know where I come from. 

I love the smell of homemade bread baking in the oven and I enjoy making a home cooked meal for my family.

I like antique stores, finding a few special pieces and giving them new life. I love to imagine where they came from and how the people who owned them must have enjoyed them.

I love living off the grid, though I don't get the chance too often. I love cooking over a fire and just enjoying the company of the people I love without any of the distractions of the modern world.

I love to read REAL books...mostly old westerns. I also love to listen to books on tape while I'm driving instead of listening to music. 

I love to write letters and having a pen pal is so much more exciting than sending a text. 

Something about the instant gratification of all the modern day technology completely takes away our appreciation for things like snail mail. I often wish we could just go back! I always swear I was born in the wrong century. Being an old soul in today's world can really make you a misfit...but I wouldn't have it any other way.

A Quarter of a Century Ago

You watch her bounce a baby on her hip while another little one runs loose around you. She hums to the baby to soothe him and grabs the wild, outstretched arm of the toddler as he runs by. He screams and stomps his feet with discontent. 

You think back on all the memories you have like this of you with your babies...at the time overwhelming and now nostalgic. You'd give anything to have those days back again, if only for a little while. The things you might've done differently, you tell yourself. And yet, you must have done something right. The girl you're watching is yours, after all. She's a good mama to those boys. 

You watch the baby stare at her and you long for that sweet gaze again. To be somebody's entire world. It's exhausting and draining but you never felt more needed, more important. It feels like yesterday and a million years ago all at the same time. A quarter of a century ago. You can't believe it. Time is such a thief. 

Time is also a beautiful blessing, you realize as you watch your grandson. He is a hilarious, vivacious child, so full of life and laughter. There aren't many children like this one. Your role as a grandma might just be your favorite one. Mama was...is...the greatest role of your life. But grandma? It's a whole new world of fun and memories to come.

Dear Sister...

Dear Sister,

I know all you've ever wanted was to be a Mama. I know that for a heart wrenchingly long time, you've wondered why it hasn't happened for you yet. You watch friends and family having baby after baby, and even those others with infertility are having success. So why haven't you? 

You sort of let go of hope, I know. You thought maybe it wasn't in the cards for you. You love your nieces and nephews like your own...is that enough? You tell yourself it is for now but you know it isn't. 

I know your life has been insane for the 7 years you've been married. You've held on for dear life to faith and knowing that God has a plan for your life because it is what keeps you sane. 

Now though, things are settling down. Your husband is always home and all those cross country moves have ended for a while. You've found a beautiful place you both love and can see a future there. And for the first time in years, you have hope shining in your heart again. I know you're afraid to let the sunshine in and count your chickens before they've hatched, but have faith! 

Have faith because it isn't only your prayers He is hearing. He hears mine, He hears mama's, He hears prayers of SO MANY people that are praying on your behalf.

He has heard the many nights you've stayed awake crying and praying and wishing with all your heart.

He has heard me begging Him to give you a baby because your pain makes my heart hurt so much, and nobody is more deserving than you. If I could just GIVE you a baby I would have, long ago.

So dear sister, have faith! Let the hope steal your heart and KNOW that one way or another,  this is going to happen for you. And I just can't wait.

A Love Story For the Ages

Dear Ty,

Maybe I don't tell you enough how grateful I am for you, and for the wonderful relationship we have. You and I have overcome so many obstacles and proved wrong so many naysayers. We're making our dreams a reality together!

I love that you are my home and my safe place. Even on the days that we are snippy with each other or when we argue more than we should,  I know that when we climb in bed at night you'll still hold out your arm for me to come lay with you. At the end of the day, you're always the one I run to.

You're the only one who can calm my anxious mind. You wrap me in a big hug and stroke my hair until I feel better. You are my rock and the calm in my storm. 

Every time we go through a rough patch or a hard place together, we always come out stronger and closer. I love the way we have no-boundaries communication and tell each other absolutely everything, even the things that are hard to say. 

I love how our love keeps getting better with time. We are always working on the hard things and becoming more patient and better forgivers. We are getting to understand the reasons behind the ornery days and getting better at putting ourselves in each other's shoes.

I'm so grateful for a husband who never gives up on me and is more than willing to work on our relationship and change the things that need changing or improving. 

I'm grateful to be married to a dreamer like myself, to be married to someone who is always looking for ways to grow and better himself.

I believe in you and in us so much. I know we can accomplish ANYTHING together. We're the perfect team. Thank you for giving me a love story for the ages; for giving me a love that is kind and forgiving and withstands the storms and the test of time. I'm so glad I get to do forever with you!

When it Was All Just a Dream (pt. 2)

This is what happiness looks like for me. It's 10:00 on a Saturday morning, breakfast is on the stove and there is a happy boy running to the door as you come in, saying, "Daddy, miss you!"
The oven beeps and the cinnamon rolls are done. There are happy giggles coming from the living room as our little boy ropes the dummy with you. The baby is playing on the floor and making gurgling sounds. Remember when it was all just a dream?

Outside, it's a beautiful summer morning and the horses are grazing in the pasture. The dogs are barking; there's a big crane in the yard! Tell loves it and says "want see big duck!"
We always talk about how we wish we could freeze him at this age; he is the funniest, sweetest boy. Remember when this was all just a dream?

We now have our second little boy, who we've been talking about since Tell was a baby. Our little Cas is the sweetest, happiest, most mellow baby. Tell loves him so much and he is the best addition to our family. Remember when he was just a dream?
I can see it now, our little cuties wrestling on the rug while we try to watch a movie on a rainy Sunday. We give up on the movie and sit on the porch to watch the storm while the boys run wild through the yard, screaming and laughing.
We're looking out on our field of horses, a couple of babies grazing with their mamas. You mention how we need to go check the cows this afternoon and make sure the trough is running. I'll smile and lean up against you on the porch swing, sigh happily and say, "Remember when this life was just a dream?"
Later, we pile the boys in the truck and head up to your parents' house for Sunday dinner. You talk to your dad about the cows, and the hay and the weather. Your mom gives me the rundown on how everyone has been doing, and I tell her our happy secret... we're expecting baby #3!
This is the beautiful future I dream about with you...and someday, we'll look back on these early days of dreaming, after all the hard work and planning to achieve our goals. We'll smile and say, "Remember when it was all just a dream?"

Faith is Greater Than Fear

Man, the world is scary these days. It's lock-yourself-in-the-house and don't-interact-with-strangers scary. I have two small kids and I fear for them every day. I make sure I'm able to protect them from all kinds of danger. One day, though, I won't be able to protect them. They will be adults and have to take care of themselves. That thought makes me want to panic a little, but I learned from an early age that you can't let fear rule your life. If you do, you don't have any control. Anything or anyone that scares you will have the control. And that should scare you more than anything! 

I am a great believer in God and patriotism and personal freedom. Why? All of these things breed COURAGE. Sure, the 'Rona is a bit scary. BLM (black lives matter not bureau of land management y'all 😂🐮)  is scarier than hell because these people have no regard for human life. Human trafficking? Been afraid of that for years. I'm afraid to go into town because I'm a little white girl with two little kids. Like I said though, I don't let fear rule my life. Sometimes you just have to let go and let God. 

I feel as though the folks who are extremely panicked right now are missing the bigger picture. The way I see it, if you're so afraid of being killed by the 'Rona that you keep yourself from living your life, you're missing something fundamental. You've missed learning how to weigh risks and don't know how to balance the give and take. You haven't been out on a skittish colt in a lightning storm trying to get cows off the mountain enough to realize that anything could take you from this earth at any moment and you can't control that, no matter how hard you try. God is in control y'all. These are the last days, and we've been told we will have to fight for our freedom. I believe in prophecies and I believe many are being fulfilled right now. I also believe Christ is coming and if we focus on Him and His end game, the world climate is a whole lot less scary. We already know who wins the war. If we focus on Christ, it's very clear who is on the side of evil. Just let go and let God! Have faith instead of fear. Everything is going to be okay!

XO, the Cowboy's Wife 

How Horses Have Influenced My Life

I often think about all the ways horses have influenced my life.

When I was a little girl, they taught me the value of hard work and also caring for something other than myself. They taught me about devotion and true friendship. They taught me about heartbreak and the importance of letting go when I lost the first horse I ever loved.

As I've gotten older, they've influenced my friendships and who my 'people' are. They brought me to the love of my life. They helped me find the truest friends I've ever known. 

They've given me a passion for life, they've cured my blues and motivated me.

They make me smile when they're gentle for my babies and make them fall in love with horses the same way I did when I was small.

I've liked a lot of horses, and loved a few. This gal right here is one of them. I thank God every day for her for giving me my confidence back and getting me in a good mental state after two long, rough pregnancies. She's the first horse I've had a real relationship with since before I was married. She's my go to gal and my right hand man! Thanks @laramiedawn for catching a few amazing photos of us! 

Unconditional Love

 

I saw this picture today, and the quote got me thinking. It made me think how the unconditional love of a mother is the closest there is to the love Christ has for each of us.

He loves us not in spite of what He had to endure for us, but because of it. Those scars and pierced palms are a testament to His love, just like a Mama has to endure sickness, pain, and the intense pain of labor for her babies, and her stretch marks, scars and body parts that will never be the same are a testament of her love for her babies.

Our Savior gives us unending grace, and don't Mamas do the same for their babies? Who loves you no matter what when you mess up? Who gives you advice and helps you clean up your mess? Your mama and your Savior are always there with understanding hearts and a big hug.
I think of how intensely I love my boys, and how I would do anything in the world for them, and it brings me so much comfort that every single one of us has a Savior who loves us even more. His hands and arms are outstretched, waiting for you to reach out and fall into them. He is the safest place you could ever hope to find. Finding the Savior is just like going back home and getting a big hug from your Mama.
None of us are alone in this world; your Savior feels every worry and pain you feel. Seek him and you will find more joy and comfort than you have ever known.
XO, The Cowboy's Wife 

Tell is Two

Dear Tell,

I can't believe you're two!! There are so many things I want to remember about this age. You are so, so smart. You can count to 5, spell your name out loud, speak in full sentences, and have such a good memory.

You love people. LOVE them. I'm not sure where you got this quality but it makes me have to grow as a person (I'm such a hermit!). Everyone you meet is so taken with you. You have the funniest little personality and you just HAVE to know about the people around you.
You keep me on my toes my boy! You run absolutely everywhere you go. You never. Slow. Down. You are completely fearless and I can't keep you off a horse. You're never without a rope, either. You were definitely born a cowboy..that's just in your blood.

You parrot everyone and you can say everything. Really. I taught you the Pledge of Allegiance and you manage the big words pretty well!!

You have a wild imagination and tell me all sorts of funny stories...not that I can understand the whole story but it usually has something to do with Darla fighting a bear!
I gave you a teddy bear the other day and you gave it a big hug and said "I love it!"

You have the wildest heart and the sweetest soul. You are stubborn and determined. You are smart and funny and everything good that I want to be.

You give me so much grace every day. Being a mom is so hard sometimes and I don't always have as much patience as I should. Everytime I mess up, you're always there with your sweet smile and "hi, mom". I'm so grateful for you.
You keep me laughing and remind me not to be so serious all the time. You love me so much even when I lose my temper. You always come to give me a hug and I don't know what I'd do without your neverending grace.
The light of Christ shines so bright in you. Your love for everyone you meet and your sweet, thoughtful personality just show that light in a big way. Don't ever be afraid to love big and wear your heart on your sleeve the way you do! I love you more than words can say, sweet boy.
Love, Mama

A Woman's Strength

She is a Goddess, a daughter of a King. She is divinely and inspirationally made. She was made to shoulder the mental and emotional weight of her family. She gets her boundless strength from her faith in her Savior.
That thing you're afraid to tell her? She values honesty over all else and she has enough grace for whatever mistake you made. Even if it tears her to pieces inside, she can also see how it tears you up. She will forgive you and help you overcome any obstacle. She has enough love and faith for both of you.
She is an empath, and she feels everything you feel. Your emotional burden is also hers, and she will do whatever she can to help you be happy.
She always finds a way to pick up the pieces and keep going, no matter how hard rock bottom gets. She keeps her light burning inside, knowing that faith and hope can get you through anything.
Hold onto her; she is the pillar of strength that will get you through life's storms. She is unbreakable, because Christ is her foundation.
Never forsake her, because she will always be by your side, there to hold your hand or catch you if you fall.

Maybe It's Different This Time

   
     Maybe it's different this time. But that doesn't mean I love you less! Maybe I have less time to sit and hold you and stare at your perfect face because I'm chasing your brother around, but those little moments with you are just as precious.

Maybe I don't have the new mom obsession quite to the same degree, because well, I've done this before. It doesn't feel new. But you do. I am obsessed with your tiny self.

Maybe I don't cry when you move up a clothing size, but that's because I'm so excited to watch you grow and see who you become.

You see, I didn't know what to expect the first time around. I was so sad watching your brother grow so big that I didn't get to fully enjoy his babyhood.
So I'm enjoying this time, ALL of it. Including the growing and the changing.

I don't mind that you hate being set down, because I know I can always mop the floor later (probably). I don't feel the same pressure to get everything perfect and right because I've learned to let things go and pick my battles.

Lucky you little one, you're not the Guinea pig. I (sort of) know what I'm doing. You're getting a much more relaxed Mama than your brother did.

Learning how to juggle two is proving a challenge, especially since your whirling dervish of a brother absolutely never slows down. Again, though, it's teaching me that I have to sit back and just enjoy the ride. After all, if you can't beat em, join em!

Maybe it's different this time, little one, because I'm different this time. The one thing that isn't different is that I love you with my whole heart, and that's what counts.

Before You Marry a Cowboy

I know, girl. You've been dating him for quite some time. You finally broke through those emotional walls and it turns out, he actually CAN be a little bit romantic. Maybe you always have to drive to see him and you spend most of your time there cooking and doing his laundry, but you don't mind. You've even grown used to the fact that you'll probably never go on a "normal" date. He's such a good guy, and you have dreams of life on this ranch with him. Before he puts a ring on it, though, there are a few things you should know!

Before you marry a cowboy, you should know that you will suddenly find yourself his personal secretary. You will be in charge of scheduling appointments, doing the taxes, keeping track of family birthdays, etc. Make sure you have a good planner or keep everything in your phone calendar.

Before you marry a cowboy, realize that running the household is totally on you. Keeping groceries stocked, cleaning, doing laundry, cooking, and eventually caring for the children.

Before you say "I do", make sure you know that along with these other responsibilities, you are now his right hand man. If he needs to doctor a sick cow, or needs someone to drive the truck to wherever he ended up on his horse, or needs help pulling a calf, or got stuck in the muddy pasture while feeding cows, you are who he will call. This means you should know how to rope, drive a standard transmission and pull a trailer, know that running in the heifer to pull her calf can get kinda hairy, and you might need the tractor to pull him out of the mud.

Before you marry that cowboy, know that when you get pregnant he will make jokes about you being a replacement heifer. He will also joke about the fact that he's pulled a lot of calves, so living 1.5 hours from the hospital isn't a worry when you go into labor. When the baby finally comes, he will be shell shocked. It will be MUCH different than he expected since he's only ever been around newborn calves. However, he will transform in front of your eyes and amaze you when he's better at swaddling the new little ranch crew member than you are.

When that baby starts getting a little older and daddy is his favorite person in the world, you won't be the least bit surprised, because he's your favorite person too.

Being married to a cowboy isn't for the faint of heart. You will find yourself alone with the kids most of the time, especially during the winter. However, you know none of you could dream of a better life. Those days you all spend together calving heifers, or riding the four wheeler to go check water, or those wonderful branding days in the spring make the rest worth it.

The best part? That man you married will be your rock through the inevitable hard and scary parts of life. He will stand strong and true through the storms and you will always have him to hold on to. He is strong and faithful, and is the hardest working person you know. As far as husband material, you can't find anyone better!

These are all important things to know before you marry a cowboy!

You and Me Days

Little boy, I love these days with you. These just me and you, lazy, silly, fun, quiet days at home. I love when you bring me a book to read you. I love watching you pack around your stuffed animals in just a diaper wearing your pajamas on your head. You make me laugh all day long! I love when you climb up on the couch beside me, saying "blantie!" And stealing my blanket. I love your sweet kisses and your snuggles. I love your silly self, running in circles around the house chasing after your ball.
I treasure these days so much because in just 3 short months, it won't be just me and you all day. We'll have a new little one to love, and I know you won't like sharing mama's attention at first. I also know, though, that you'll love this baby so much. You have your baby doll that you carry around, rock, sing to, and give kisses. You love to give my growing belly kisses and sit next to me with your hand on my belly to feel the baby kick.
Just now, you saw me in tears writing this so you climbed up on my lap, rubbed my face, and gave me a kiss. You keep saying "hi, hi," and making sure I'm okay. You're the sweetest thing in this whole world.
You never do anything halfway, whether that be giving loves or throwing fits. You're my favorite little person, and I'll always treasure these days when it was just me and you. ❤

When the Good is Hard Too

Sometimes in life, it's so easy to get caught in the muddle and the ruts of every day life that you start to forget your purpose. You forget why you're doing what you're doing. Whether it's because of a boring office job or the fact that you're going through a particularly challenging time, it can be hard to keep your mind on the bigger picture.
In this stage of my life, I've been married for a little over two years and live on a big ranch with all the horses I could want. I remember the days when I could only DREAM about the life I have. I have a hilarious, wild child of a boy that I'm lucky enough to stay home and raise. I feel blessed to be welcoming baby number two in a few short months.
However, even with all the amazing blessings in my life, the good parts can still be hard. My days are mostly mundane and toddlers throw a LOT of fits. I have a high risk pregnancy so I haven't been on a horse since October and let me tell you, that is not good for my mental health. I miss starting colts with my hubs and roping and just even having energy at all. I sit here alone with my thoughts and honestly, sometimes I wonder why I decided to have another baby this soon. Of course I'm excited and feel so blessed. At the same time I remember how long it took me to get back to normal after the first baby. The emotions get to me sometimes. And then, scrolling through Facebook, I see something small like a shirt that says "Raising Ranchers" and that's all it takes to help me remember. I'm doing something so much bigger than I can comprehend right now.
This season of life is so, so short compared to the big picture. I'm sacrificing a lot of freedom in this season to raise good humans and I know it's the most important thing I'll ever do. I know how lucky I am to have this life and how lucky my kids are to get to grow up this way.
So, mamas, or anyone caught in a rut, no matter what season you're in, remember your why. Remember that every season is shorter than you think. It's okay if the good is hard too. Keep on going because you will look back and realize you were doing some of the most important work of your life. ❤ XO, The Cowboy's Wife 

Happy New Year

Yet another year has passed, and time seems to be marching on so quickly. I'm at this weird stage in my life where I was still a kid just a few short years ago, and suddenly I have a family of my own. So, so many things have changed for me just in the past year, let alone the whole decade! It's astounding the differences in my life now and the person I have become.
The important thing? I am proud of the person I have become. In just three years, I feel as though I am a totally different person. From rebellious teen to wife and mother...that's a pretty big change!
In the last year, we have moved, celebrated many firsts, found out we were on baby number two, had some pregnancy complications, bought and sold horses, been through sicknesses, grown in our marriage, and so many other things.
That's a lot to happen in one year, and I almost felt as though it was mundane compared to the two previous ones! I know everyone makes fun of the "new year, new me" posts, but think about it. Are you even the same exact person you were a year ago? I'm certainly not. Sure, there's some habits I wish I had kicked but overall, my year changed me. I learned lessons, some hard and some wonderful. I've become more grateful and learned to see the world through a lens of "look at everything we've been blessed with!" I've learned how important it is to look at someone else's side of the story. I'm not as hard hearted as I used to be.
So yes, it is a new me going in to 2020. What about you? Did you let 2019 change you for the better or worse? Did you let your trials make you callous or let them soften your heart? When you think about your goals for 2020, or for the next 10 years, know that those years will change you. It's up to you to decide if that will be a good or a bad change!
XO, The Cowboy's Wife