Shortly after I got married, my grandparents came out to see our new place. We were excited newly weds, in our first home together. I had everything perfectly organized, every item in place and the house spotless to show it off to them. My husband came stomping in from outside, muddy boots and all, and (shockingly!), didn't even take them off. 😧 I couldn't believe how inconsiderate he was! I had just spent all this time getting the house ready! Didn't he ever think about my feelings?! I was so angry with him. I chastised him (in front of my grandparents). I asked him if he was raised in a barn and if he didn't know better than to wear his muddy boots on a clean floor! Sheepishly, he took them off and cleaned up his mess. I felt satisfied, sure he had learned a lesson.
Later that day, my grandma said to me, "You know, you sure married a good man. He is honest, hard working, and patient."
I beamed with pride and love for this man, glad he earned the acceptance of someone so important in my life. I felt smart and sure it was all me, I chose him, it was my doing.
Then she said "A man like him will put up with a lot of crap from the people he loves. But he shouldn't have to."
I turned red as she said this, suddenly realizing my fault in yelling at him earlier. I hadn't taught him anything. I had only been cruel to the sweetest man I know. I realized that messes can be easily cleaned up, but me badgering him about every little thing was only poisoning our relationship.
Since then, when my temper and my OCD and need for a clean house get in my way, I have taken up the mantra, "Would you rather have a clean house or a happy marriage?" Sure, I keep the house tidy. But I've realized that when my man walks through the door after a long day, he doesn't need someone telling him how he's messing up or what he's doing wrong. He needs two loving arms and a hot meal. He needs listening ears and a patient, understanding heart that's always on his side. He needs a partner, not a helpmate. I married my husband for the man he is, muddy boots and all. Without the mud, what would be left for me to clean up?
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