Tell is 5

It's not just your birthday, sweet boy. It's mine too. The day you were born, so was I. I was born to be your Mama, and you fulfilled my purpose. 

You are the kindest, most thoughtful boy. You are so empathetic. I know it can take a toll sometimes. I learn so much from your unconditionally loving, so forgiving, giving the benefit of a doubt self. 

You love people so much, and always know what to say to make someone feel special. You're everything we never knew we needed before we had you. I don't know what we'd do without you. 

You tell the best jokes, and are so good at "all kinds of cool tricks" as you put it. You're such a good helper, and I appreciate you so much. You're definitely a mama's boy, and all you want from life is time and attention from your favorite people. 

You're such a good brother, even if it's trying at times. You and Cas are the cutest little buddies, and I hope you always stay best friends.

You are so grown up and responsible. You really love to go "vetting" with Tyler, who you are just obsessed with. I love that you want to be a vet, and that you are so passionate about anything you love!

For your birthday this year, all you wanted was to go camping and some walkie talkies 😅 I just love your little quirky self to death. You bring so much magic to my daily life and are always reminding me to stop and smell the roses, literally. You give me life and purpose. I hope you know you can count on your family for anything. We love you more than life, little Tell boy. ❤️ Happy 5th Birthday 🥹🥹

To Cas on His Third Birthday

My little Cas,

You really aren't so little anymore! My sweet, smart, spitfire, stubborn, tough, hilarious little fella. You are hell bent on accomplishing whatever you make up your mind to do. You do everything you do in complete earnest...except when you're teasing your brother! You are SUCH a tease and I know for sure you got that from your dad. 

You have earned the nickname Crash because of the way you just barrel through life! You don't have much thought beyond what is happening right now and you just run to it with no fear! I both admire and worry about this trait; you'll have to learn the hard way with a lot of things I'm afraid!

You are so funny to hang out with. You have such an imagination and you always make me laugh with your antics. You're very tender hearted despite your head-strong ways, and can't stand for anyone to be mad at you. You come to me with those sweet, chubby hands outstretched, crying and saying "Mama" with big alligator tears on your cheeks if ever you get in trouble. 

You're so lovable and are my sweet angel boy. You're also fearsome when you get mad! It's like Dr Jekel and Mr Hyde with you! You don't do anything halfway.

You're very helpful and maybe a bit OCD 😅 you keep track of everyone around here, and always seem to know where things are. You remind me not to forget things before we leave the house and I find that just hilarious.

 You're so loving and friendly and have such a big heart, but you can't stand to leave mama to go with anyone else, except your daddy. You sure love that dad of yours. 

You are such a defender of the people you love. NOBODY is allowed to be mean to your brother while you're around. Use that courageous, protective streak to defend those that need it. 

I'm grateful for you every day, and despite your wildness, you still bring so much peace to my soul. I love you forever, little big guy! 

Love, Mama

There Was a Girl.. Pt 1

There was a girl.

A young girl, with big dreams in her heart.

She met a boy who seemed to have the same dreams. They set out together to make them come true.

Along the way, sometimes they lost their way.

The girl lost herself in the two new little lives they created. She loved them with her whole soul. Sometimes, she forgot to love herself too.

And sometimes, the world seemed to grow dark around her. 

But someone was always there to take her by the hand and lead her back into the sunshine, where she could remember who she was and where she was going. 

Sometimes, it was the boy who found her stumbling in the dark. Other times, herfriend found her and reminded her what being carefree felt like.

A lot of times, she forced herself down the dark tunnel she was in, running and stumbling towards the light.

She knows there will always be a way to find the light again, to find herself, the way she was when she was young, carefree, and full of a love for life.

XO, The Cowboy's Wife 

When It Was All Just a Dream ( Pt 4)

This year has been different than previous ones for us. It has been confusing, difficult, frustrating, and overwhelming. It has also been more obvious than ever that God's hand is in our lives every day. We had no idea what we'd do changing our lives so much. Ensign was the only home we'd ever known together. But God has blessed us immensely. Building our lives together and living on not much but faith and love...remember when this was all just a dream?

We're back in our home county now, and it's plain to me that home is wherever you are. I never saw myself living here again, but...as long as I have you and our boys, it doesn't matter much where we are. Having a love and a family like this...remember when it was all just a dream?

I remember being 16 and wondering if I'd ever find where I truly fit. I didn't fit in that well in high school or with any of my friends. But as soon as I met you, I knew I'd found my place. I dreamed of a life where it was just you and I. 

Now I'm never afraid to move somewhere or try something new. I know you're by my side, and God will bless us in all of our adventures, as He always has.

I remember when this was all a dream.

We don't know what we're doing. We have no idea where we'll be in five years or where we even want to be. But we have each other. Remember when it was all just a dream?

We thought we knew exactly what we wanted. But life has a funny way of messing up even the best laid plans. And the Lord has His own plans for us that will become apparent in the near future, I'm sure. I don't think our dreams included all the hard things and obstacles to get over, but I guess the hard things are what make us into the people we're really supposed to be.

This year.. well, it's been a year of growth I suppose. And luckily for us, the only way to go is up. Remember when we used to talk for hours of the life we would build together? We're living it now, love. Whether we like it or not! 

I couldn't ask for a better life or a better home than I have with you. 

In a few years we'll look back at this tough spot, and see how much we've grown. We'll be damn grateful for the trials and the way God steered us in a direction we didn't think we wanted to go. We'll be awed and amazed at where we ended up. And we'll say, remember when this was all just a dream?

Trials

Who have you become because of the trials you've faced?

Sometimes you're going along, feeling strong and confident in yourself, your business, your abilities...

And then there comes soul crushing defeat. Failure. Heart wrenching set backs.

Heart sick is a horrible feeling. It's hard to find hope. It's easy to feel lost. Where can you even go from here? The only thing you can do is take another step forward.

 These sort of events always spur change of some sort. Mostly inner change, and we have to learn how to fail gracefully...learn from our mistakes, or realize that we can't have control over everything. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, things still go sideways. And that's okay!

Sometimes, these seemingly crushing disappointments inspire us and lead us to somewhere greater, maybe somewhere completely different than we thought.

One thing you can count on though, is that everyone faces disappointments, heartbreak, and failure at some point. What you choose to do with it is what matters.

If you're in the midst, keep going. This too shall pass. The air will clear and you'll find direction again. You'll look back realizing you're stronger and wiser, and know yourself a little better. Trust the Lord; He's shaping you for the wonderful blessings He has in store. ❤️

XO, The Cowboy's Wife 

Magic

There is so much magic in this. 

In saddling a big roan horse before dawn on a frosty May morning; trotting out in the cool morning light on a spirited mare to gather pairs....

In hearing the cattle call and the new calves bawling as they trail out across the desert.

There is so much magic in the way  a young horse will come in to your hands so willingly, and feeling the unity between horse and rider. 

There is magic in our little community, neighbors helping neighbors, chatting in the branding pen between roping calves, and eating lunch together with dirty, work calloused hands when the branding is through.

There is so much magic in our way of life.. and I feel so blessed to be part of it. 

XO, The Cowboy's Wife 

Her Body is Covered in Stories

Her body is covered in stories.

That scar on her forehead from the time she cracked it open when she was 3.

Plenty of scars on her hands from various wire cuts, knife slips, and rope burns.

The light sprinkle of freckles across her nose, and some on her shoulders, proof of her love for the sunshine.

The faded scar next to her eye from going a little too fast through the oak brush after some stray cows.

The funny scar on her stomach from an obnoxious gelding who took a nip one day.

That patch on her elbow from the day her colt bucked her off... That one reminds her of the nice black eye she received that day along with her broken elbow.

The stretch marks that cover her sides and lower belly, proof of the miracles she's brought into the world; and the C-section scar, a reminder of the life-saving surgeries for both of her babies.

Her body is covered in stories.

At a still-so-young 25 years of age, she's grateful for every single imperfection she's earned, proof of the full life she's lived so far.

And when she's old and grey, she'll show them to her grandkids. She'll tell them the stories that go with them, and why she's so dang proud of her imperfections.

All of the memories of a life well lived are tattooed right there on her skin. She might not keep a journal, but her body is covered in stories.