You and Me Days

Little boy, I love these days with you. These just me and you, lazy, silly, fun, quiet days at home. I love when you bring me a book to read you. I love watching you pack around your stuffed animals in just a diaper wearing your pajamas on your head. You make me laugh all day long! I love when you climb up on the couch beside me, saying "blantie!" And stealing my blanket. I love your sweet kisses and your snuggles. I love your silly self, running in circles around the house chasing after your ball.
I treasure these days so much because in just 3 short months, it won't be just me and you all day. We'll have a new little one to love, and I know you won't like sharing mama's attention at first. I also know, though, that you'll love this baby so much. You have your baby doll that you carry around, rock, sing to, and give kisses. You love to give my growing belly kisses and sit next to me with your hand on my belly to feel the baby kick.
Just now, you saw me in tears writing this so you climbed up on my lap, rubbed my face, and gave me a kiss. You keep saying "hi, hi," and making sure I'm okay. You're the sweetest thing in this whole world.
You never do anything halfway, whether that be giving loves or throwing fits. You're my favorite little person, and I'll always treasure these days when it was just me and you. ❤

When the Good is Hard Too

Sometimes in life, it's so easy to get caught in the muddle and the ruts of every day life that you start to forget your purpose. You forget why you're doing what you're doing. Whether it's because of a boring office job or the fact that you're going through a particularly challenging time, it can be hard to keep your mind on the bigger picture.
In this stage of my life, I've been married for a little over two years and live on a big ranch with all the horses I could want. I remember the days when I could only DREAM about the life I have. I have a hilarious, wild child of a boy that I'm lucky enough to stay home and raise. I feel blessed to be welcoming baby number two in a few short months.
However, even with all the amazing blessings in my life, the good parts can still be hard. My days are mostly mundane and toddlers throw a LOT of fits. I have a high risk pregnancy so I haven't been on a horse since October and let me tell you, that is not good for my mental health. I miss starting colts with my hubs and roping and just even having energy at all. I sit here alone with my thoughts and honestly, sometimes I wonder why I decided to have another baby this soon. Of course I'm excited and feel so blessed. At the same time I remember how long it took me to get back to normal after the first baby. The emotions get to me sometimes. And then, scrolling through Facebook, I see something small like a shirt that says "Raising Ranchers" and that's all it takes to help me remember. I'm doing something so much bigger than I can comprehend right now.
This season of life is so, so short compared to the big picture. I'm sacrificing a lot of freedom in this season to raise good humans and I know it's the most important thing I'll ever do. I know how lucky I am to have this life and how lucky my kids are to get to grow up this way.
So, mamas, or anyone caught in a rut, no matter what season you're in, remember your why. Remember that every season is shorter than you think. It's okay if the good is hard too. Keep on going because you will look back and realize you were doing some of the most important work of your life. ❤ XO, The Cowboy's Wife 

Happy New Year

Yet another year has passed, and time seems to be marching on so quickly. I'm at this weird stage in my life where I was still a kid just a few short years ago, and suddenly I have a family of my own. So, so many things have changed for me just in the past year, let alone the whole decade! It's astounding the differences in my life now and the person I have become.
The important thing? I am proud of the person I have become. In just three years, I feel as though I am a totally different person. From rebellious teen to wife and mother...that's a pretty big change!
In the last year, we have moved, celebrated many firsts, found out we were on baby number two, had some pregnancy complications, bought and sold horses, been through sicknesses, grown in our marriage, and so many other things.
That's a lot to happen in one year, and I almost felt as though it was mundane compared to the two previous ones! I know everyone makes fun of the "new year, new me" posts, but think about it. Are you even the same exact person you were a year ago? I'm certainly not. Sure, there's some habits I wish I had kicked but overall, my year changed me. I learned lessons, some hard and some wonderful. I've become more grateful and learned to see the world through a lens of "look at everything we've been blessed with!" I've learned how important it is to look at someone else's side of the story. I'm not as hard hearted as I used to be.
So yes, it is a new me going in to 2020. What about you? Did you let 2019 change you for the better or worse? Did you let your trials make you callous or let them soften your heart? When you think about your goals for 2020, or for the next 10 years, know that those years will change you. It's up to you to decide if that will be a good or a bad change!
XO, The Cowboy's Wife

I Saw God Today

One morning a couple of weeks ago, I woke up at 6:30 with that undeniable trickle-of-blood feeling. You know the one I mean ladies. Well, right now, I am almost 16 weeks pregnant with baby number two. Pregnancy is rough on me what with the hyperemesis gravidarum and barely being able to leave the house, especially during the first trimester. I was finally over the hardest part of the sickness...but I knew what that blood meant and I ran to the bathroom. I didn't know what to do. This hadn't happened to me before. It was too early to call my doctor. So I got hold of a nurse friend who gave me some advice. You can always count on a nurse to be awake at 6:30 am, even if nobody else is!
I sat there in my bathroom after talking to her, crying and praying that God wouldn't let me lose this baby.

Thankfully, the bleeding stopped after that first gush of blood. I called my husband who was on his way to work and he let his boss know what was going on in case he had to leave suddenly, and I went back to bed for a while. I called my doctor's office as soon as they opened and they told me to come in for an emergency ultrasound as soon as I could get there.
Now, we live in BFE. 1.5 hours from my doctor and 45 minutes from the nearest hospital. And of course, 2.5 hours from any family. I was so unsure of what to do with my 18 month old son. I knew it would be a loonnnnggg day and I didn't want to put him through it. Just as I was wondering what I should do, my angel friend, who is also a ranch wife out here, called me. She said she heard we might be headed to the hospital and she was coming to pick up Tell and take him for the day. I couldn't hold back my tears of gratitude as I thanked her. I saw, in her, the hand of God in my life and I knew He was watching out for us.

When we arrived at the doctor's office and as we sat in the waiting room, another young family came in. They had a newborn and rambunctious 18 month old twins. It took a lot for my hormonal, anxious self not to cry at the sight of that baby, knowing I might not get to meet mine. This was such a new feeling for me and I didn't know quite how to handle it.

Soon, though, those thoughts were put out of my mind as they called us back and we went into the ultrasound room. I was so nervous of what we would find. When they started and we immediately found a healthy baby with a strong heartbeat, I broke down in tears of relief. What they did find was a placental abruption. Not the best news, but better than hearing that there's no heartbeat.

My doctor made sure I was well informed of all that could go wrong so I was prepared, but also let me know that he was remaining positive that it would heal as long as I took it really easy. At our next appointment the following week, it had indeed started to heal.

During this week of waiting, I saw God's hand in our lives so many times. Friends and family offering help with Tell, helping me clean my house, bringing us meals, or simply reaching out to let us know they're thinking of and praying for us.

At this point, it is still a waiting game. We are remaining positive and hopeful that this will heal and I will go on to have a healthy, normal pregnancy. This baby is strong and I can feel movement and kicks throughout the day, another saving grace. We know we are watched over and loved by a wonderful Father in Heaven. He is answering our prayers through all of you. We feel so blessed and grateful. Every night when I go to bed, I can think of a hundred ways that I saw God today. ❤
XO, The Cowboy's Wife

When It Was All Just A Dream

A Facebook memory popped up today. 16 year old me posted about going to the Richfield rodeo. It was our first date. You picked me up in your blue Dodge first gen. I was waiting for you on my mama's front porch, and when you pulled up, she said, "Oh boy, he looks like trouble."
She couldn't have been more right, and the next four years of my life were all about you. I fell for you so hard and fast.

The very next summer, we were dating and it was me and you every day. Riding in the tractor cutting hay together, riding around in the truck and staying out way too late, dreaming together about all the what ifs. Maybe one day we could have a house right where that A-frame stands on Wheeler lane. Remember when it was all just a dream?
That summer was a dream, straight out of every country love song. It was the summer before my junior year. School started up again and as they say, all good things must come to an end. You decided it wasn't a good idea to be in college and have a high school girlfriend, and you were probably right. So my tender heart broke for the first time.
The next couple of years were messy. We were still together all the time, and I didn't stop loving you once, even the times we parted and dated other people. Nothing else ever stuck for me. We dated on and off between those years, and I swear they were hell on me.
The fall I was 19, we worked together on a cowboy outfit, and it was probably the most fun I'll ever have. Living in a sheep camp on the mountain, no phone service, no electricity...it was heaven and we'll never have that again. It was us, the ponies, the dogs and cows, and a few of our very good friends.
We were older now, and more serious about each other. We talked about marriage in the not-so-distant future, and what we would name our first child. You were Tyrell after Louis L'amour's Tyrel Sackett, and our baby had to be Tell! Remember when it was all just a dream?

The marriage talk scared you, and we parted ways yet again. That winter was terrible for me, being apart from you. The next spring, though, you started working for Ensign Ranches. Something in you changed. You were no longer a wild boy looking for a fun time, but someone a little more mature. You had landed a job where you could see a future, and so you could see one with me without being afraid. So, we started talking about marriage, living on this ranch and raising our babies. Remember when it was all just a dream?
We planned our wedding that summer and married in the fall, on your daddy's farm. It was a beautiful wedding and still one of my most favorite days. We moved onto the ranch and started talking about babies, who our babies would be and what they would look like...remember when it was all just a dream?
Shortly after our marriage I had terrible morning sickness, and then 9 more months of it. Our first little child came into the world the next summer. We named him Tell. Remember when all of this was just a dream?
Now here we are, 6 years after our first date. We've been married almost 2 years, and Tell is 13 months old. We're dreaming about our next baby; will it be a boy or a girl? We want Tell to have someone to play with. We're always talking baby names and reliving the day our perfect little boy was born. Remember when this was all just a dream?
I can't wait for that day in the future, when we're sitting together on our front porch looking over a green field at our broodmares, on this land that we bought, living in this house we built together. This life we built together. Maybe our daughter will call and say,
"It's time mama! The baby is coming!"
We will look at each other and smile and say, "Remember when this was all just a dream?"

To My Firstborn on His First Birthday

To my little Tell,

You are not so little anymore buddy! I have been simultaneously dreading and feeling so excited for this day. I think back to a year ago at exactly this time in the morning, 7:19 am. I hadn't got an epidural yet, and I was probably rolled over on my side holding onto your daddy's hand and shaking with the pain of labor. It would be less than four hours now until I met you.

The first time I heard your cry it was so familiar to me, even though I'd never heard it before. I knew you. On a level I had never known anyone before.

I remember when I was a few months along with you I went into full blown panic mode. We were only married a month when I got pregnant with you, and I didn't think I was ready. How could I be a mother when I barely knew how to be a wife? Your daddy sat up with me half the night calming me down and reassuring me that I would be a great mother. After all, he reasoned, look at all the pups I'd raised. Couldn't be much different, right?! Sound cowboy logic.

Baby boy, when you came into this world, it changed me for good. It changed my heart, it changed the way I see the world, it changed the way I see your daddy (in the best way!). I hope you know that you make me such a better person. You're everything I want to be wrapped into a tiny dynamite of a little boy.

Your big dimpled smile with those six little teeth melt me into mush. They could melt the hardest heart. You make me smile and laugh constantly. You are my motivation for most everything I do. I hope you also know how special you are. Everyone thinks their kids are the most special people, but trust me, it's true in your case. Everywhere we go without you, people ask us,

"Where's the life of the party?!"

Several people have told me that when you smile at them, it makes them feel like the most special person in the world. Your love for everyone you see is inspiring to me. You're too small yet to know about the bad, but I hope you keep seeing the good in people your whole life long. I hope you use those gifts of making people feel so special for good.

You came at a perfect time. Not just for your daddy and me, but for everyone. Your great-grandpa and grandma Crane love you more than anything in the world. I can just see their spirits lift when you're around. They mean the world to me, and I'm more than grateful you're getting to know them in this life.

You've given your grandparents something new to bond over at a time when they were not looking forward to being empty nesters. They just adore you, and I adore the way they love seeing each other as grandparents.

You've given your aunt and uncle a baby to love at a time when they're unable to have their own, just yet. They're like second parents to you, and they love you. So. Much.

You've given this mama so much more purpose. My horses and cowboying have always been my biggest passion. I never thought that could come second to anything on that scale, until you came along. I can't wait to share this lifestyle and my passion with you. I hope you love it just as much as your daddy and I do.

You've given both your daddy and I reasons to be better. Because of you, we were sealed in the Lord's holy temple as a forever family. Because of you, we grew up and are becoming the people we've always wanted to be.

I love you and your wild spirit, little guy. You are rough and tumble, you are stubborn and like to do things your own way. That wild streak you have? It runs in your blood. It puts a fire in your soul you can never put out. Just remember to use it for good.

You are God's greatest gift to me. I could never thank Him enough times for sending me you. You are everything that I never knew I needed. You make my life that much more enjoyable. You keep me young, and you keep me laughing. You're our favorite treasure, little guy. Happy one year of life. ❤

The Wild Mustang (What it's Really Like to Live With Them)

I've been hearing so much about the wild mustangs lately. There are rallies and support groups and people crying, "Save the mustangs!"
The thing is, these people don't have the first idea what actually goes on.

They hear that ranchers are terrible and selfish and want ALL THE LAND for themselves. That they want all the mustangs killed and anything less isn't good enough!

My question for you mustang supporters is, where did you hear this, and did you even question if it was true?

I can probably give you some good insight and perspective into what really happens with ranchers and mustangs, beings that my husband and I live on a ranch. Right by a mustang herd.

Yes, we are cattle ranchers. We care about the land, we care about our livestock, and we care about horses. Probably a lot more than any of you "horse lovers" because they are necessary to our livelihood.

So, let me start by saying that I grew up on a horse. They were my entire world, and are still one of the biggest parts of it. We have several nice, spoiled, fat quarterhorses that we love like our own family. So how could someone like me possibly ever think the wild horses are bad or a nuisance?!

Sure, I think they're beautiful and mesmerizing just like the next gal, but the next gal gets to take pictures of them in the wild and then go home to her nice horsie stable where her Peppy San Badger mare is safely locked up in her stall.

I, on the other hand, have to keep a close watch on my well-bred girls just across the road from my house in their luscious green pasture. Just last night, here comes this obnoxious black stud who loves to hang around our house. He comes through/over several fences, which then all need fixing. His hindquarters are torn up, evidence he has been destroying fences. He is bold, and comes within 10 feet of me. Sure, I am in awe. He is beautiful! However, he is in with my $10,000 dollar horses. I have to worry about him breeding my mares or hurting my geldings. And what can I do about him? Absolutely nothing, according to the law.

The wild horses are multiplying at an astonishing rate. They are over running the land, which isn't healthy for the ground or the horses. It isn't all about cows. Trust me. Sure, it is definitely important to have enough grazing ground for our cows, but that doesn't mean we want the mustang eradicated completely.

Some may feel differently than me, but this is the way I see it. If things keep going like they are, they're going to get worse. The horses are going to be so overpopulated, they'll starve to death. There won't be enough range for the cows, and you'll understand how important that is when you can't go buy steaks at the store for your summer barbecue. All my mares will be foaling mustang colts.

Also, have you ever been to a mustang holding facility? Up to their ankles in sh*t...all crammed in a pen together. It breaks my heart to see. There are few people who actually qualify to take one of those beauties home, and the rest just sit.
If the population were controlled, there would be no reason for these holding facilities. If they were kept in check, the mustangs that existed could run wild.

Back in the day, you could go rope yourself a few mustangs and take them home. My grandpa's first horse was a mustang. They were useful. This country was built on the backs of wild horses. Now, you have to jump through hoops to get your hands on one, and they're just a nuisance.

I hope some of you will read this with open minds, and realize that just letting the mustangs have their way with the land is the wrong way to go about things. I hope you will see I'm not attacking you or the wild horses, I'm just trying to open your eyes to what goes on, and what a mess this could potentially become. What a mess it already is. I hope you will share this with your friends, and I hope we can all work together to come up with a better solution for the wild horses.
XO, The Cowboy's Wife