When It Was All Just a Dream (pt 6)

I heard the theme song today from one of Tell's favorite shows from when he was tiny. It transported me instantly back in time to chubby faces and hands, tiny voices calling me Mama, (when did they stop calling me mama?) the patter of tiny feet running through the house. I felt so nostalgic, thinking of what a dream that time was.

I also remember dreaming of days ahead when we'd have our own house, nicer vehicles, more kids....remember when this was all just a dream?

We're in a different place now. The boys are getting so big and turning into such capable fellas. They're so helpful to me and love their baby sister. Remember when it was all just a dream?

The house, it's been a project. But it's also such a dream come true. It's getting to be a beautiful, lovely home. We have several dependable vehicles now, and nicer things than we had before. Remember when it was all just a dream?

Despite it all, I find myself longing for the simpler days when I spent all my time at home with the boys, just enjoying watching them grow. I get to repeat the process with our dream-come-true baby girl now, but I'm much busier this time around. It's different, but still wonderful. This little family we've built...remember when it was all just a dream? 

We've been blessed immeasurably. We have everything we could ever need. 

Remember when it was all just a dream?

Seven years of growing and loving together have gone by in a flash. We're not the same people who said "I do" that day. We're much better. More mature, more skillful, a little bit wiser. I can't wait to see what the next year brings, and then I hope for at least 60 more. It's a beautiful life with you.

Remember when it was all just a dream?

Her Body Is Covered In Stories (Pt 2)

Her body is covered in stories.

With every year that passes, she gains even more. New stretch marks, new scars.

She looks at herself and sees all the changes. All the experiences. All the memories.

She's proud of every flaw. 

Those flaws gave her three beautiful children.

Her body is covered in stories.

She didn't always see it that way. At first it was hard to see everything changing before her eyes. More weight here and there. Lots of stretch marks. A big scar on her abdomen. 

But now, she sees memories. She sees changes within herself. She loves the person she is now, and so how could she not love the way she got here?

She hopes her little girl will grow with the scars she earns too, and love every part of herself. 

She hopes she can be the person to help her daughter see that her body, too, holds the stories of her life. 

Her body is covered in stories.

To Be Their Everything

She wants to be held all day, but I don't mind. Her sweet chubby cheeks, dreamy long eyelashes, and lovely baby smell...I sing to her and rock her as I go about my business. I am her whole world, right now.

They come to me wanting to tell me about every tiny thing they find big and exciting. Or for their stubbed toe, or hurt feelings. I am their everything for a little while longer.

It can be a lot to take on some days, but I don't mind. 

It's so beautiful and fleeting, this season of littles. At times very overwhelming, but always wonderful regardless. What a pleasure and a great honor it is, to be their everything, just for a little while.

For My Little Girl ❤️

My love for you is different. Different than I expected, different than anything I've known. My love for you is all-encompassing just like my love for your brothers. It's not bigger or more, but it is different. 

I get to teach the boys how to be kind and thoughtful and compassionate and how to be a good life partner.

But you little girl. Oh, you. With you, I have such a huge responsibility. Because most of what I teach you lies in the woman that I am, and that I am becoming. And I have so much room for improvement. But because of you, I'm growing into the woman I know I'm meant to be.

I look at your tiny, beautiful face and think of the woman you'll one day be. I pray that you're better than me. I pray that I can be good enough to help you become who you're meant to be. I hope you are wonderful because of the influence I have, not in spite of my influence. I know you'll be wonderful no matter what, but I hope I can make it easier for you to grow into yourself.

I hope that you turn to me for advice and guidance and know I'm your safe place. I hope you can see yourself through my eyes and know how beautiful and wonderful you are. You, baby girl, are pure magic. I can't wait to see who you become. 

Love, Mama

Cas is 4

My little big guy,

    You have grown up so dang much in the last year. I can hardly believe it. You're the same size as Tell now and so many people think you're twins. You have changed so much and are a full fledged big boy now. It's crazy to think my sweet little toddlers are now school aged kids. 

I've loved watching you go to school and make friends, even if you don't always love playing with other kids. Sometimes you'd much rather just hang out with me and I'm definitely okay with that! You always have to wear a "coskume" and are currently obsessed with power rangers and paw patrol. You have such a big imagination and are just so much fun!!

You are a big tease and definitely have an attitude, but you're also so thoughtful, affectionate, and sweet. Only with your closest people though. You come and lay with me every morning when you get up, and tell me, "Mom it's morning! Get out of bed!" And usually give me a kiss on the cheek. 

You've turned into quite the chatterbox lately. You say the funniest things! You really love to spend one on one time with me or dad. You love your big brother to death, most days to the point of driving him crazy! 😅 He is your best buddy and I love that. I'm so excited to watch you become a big brother in just a few weeks. You're such a helpful and loving boy, and I just know you're going to adore your baby sister. 

All you wanted for your birthday this year was to stay in a hotel. So, we are going to Vernal to help some friends brand and staying in a hotel. Your dream weekend! I love you little blondie. I hope you have the best birthday ever. 

When Your Mama's a Cowboy

When your Mama's a cowboy, your life will be a lot different than your friends'. You'll grow up outside, chasing cows and riding horses. 

When your Mama's a cowboy, you'll spend so many hours outside the roundpen looking in, watching her start a frisky colt. 

When your Mama's a cowboy, you'll probably have a lot of late nights chasing adventures.

You'll grow up watching a woman with a huge passion, admiring the way she never gives up.

When your Mama's a cowboy, you'll be strapped in a baby carrier and with her on the horse by the time you're 3 weeks old. And when you're 5, she'll lead you with her on your pony. 

When your Mama's a cowboy, free time is spent roping the dummy, grooming horses, and having friends over to chat and listen to your favorite cowboy songs.

When your Mama's a cowboy, she'll feel guilty every time she leaves you behind to gather the mountain, or go to a ranch roping, or doctor that lame bull. At the same time, she'll feel quite unable to stay put at home like society says she should.

When your Mama's a cowboy, she'll go through a rough time when you're really small. She's had so many life changes so quickly, you see. Her passions have changed a bit...and now you're #1 in her life. That takes some getting used to for her, having to slow down a bit and give up some of her favorite activities for a while. She really doesn't mind though, and sharing her passions with you is her newfound and unexpected greatest joy. She can't wait to watch you grow up and be a cowboy just like her. ❤️

When it Was All Just a Dream Pt 5

It's been ten years, this year. Ten years since I fell head over heels for a wild young boy. I know you probably didn't have in mind then the life we'd have in the future, but I sure did. Remember when it was all just a dream?

We were so young, but I knew you were it for me. With you, I finally felt like I belonged somewhere. It took a long road and a lot of growing up, but we sure made it into something beautiful! Remember when it was all just a dream?

With you, with our boys, is the only place I truly belong. You accept my faults, and they are many, without judgment or criticism. You're my safe place to land and I'd be lost without you. I remember when this life was a dream.

It's been a whirlwind the last couple of years, with so many life changes happening so quickly. But now, we're finally in a place where we can build the things we've dreamt of and talked about for years. All those dreams finally coming to fruition...it still feels unreal.

And it's all thanks to you. Your hard work and perseverance to make our dreams come true. I love you to the moon. We sure are living our dream!