To Be Their Everything

She wants to be held all day, but I don't mind. Her sweet chubby cheeks, dreamy long eyelashes, and lovely baby smell...I sing to her and rock her as I go about my business. I am her whole world, right now.

They come to me wanting to tell me about every tiny thing they find big and exciting. Or for their stubbed toe, or hurt feelings. I am their everything for a little while longer.

It can be a lot to take on some days, but I don't mind. 

It's so beautiful and fleeting, this season of littles. At times very overwhelming, but always wonderful regardless. What a pleasure and a great honor it is, to be their everything, just for a little while.

For My Little Girl ❤️

My love for you is different. Different than I expected, different than anything I've known. My love for you is all-encompassing just like my love for your brothers. It's not bigger or more, but it is different. 

I get to teach the boys how to be kind and thoughtful and compassionate and how to be a good life partner.

But you little girl. Oh, you. With you, I have such a huge responsibility. Because most of what I teach you lies in the woman that I am, and that I am becoming. And I have so much room for improvement. But because of you, I'm growing into the woman I know I'm meant to be.

I look at your tiny, beautiful face and think of the woman you'll one day be. I pray that you're better than me. I pray that I can be good enough to help you become who you're meant to be. I hope you are wonderful because of the influence I have, not in spite of my influence. I know you'll be wonderful no matter what, but I hope I can make it easier for you to grow into yourself.

I hope that you turn to me for advice and guidance and know I'm your safe place. I hope you can see yourself through my eyes and know how beautiful and wonderful you are. You, baby girl, are pure magic. I can't wait to see who you become. 

Love, Mama

Cas is 4

My little big guy,

    You have grown up so dang much in the last year. I can hardly believe it. You're the same size as Tell now and so many people think you're twins. You have changed so much and are a full fledged big boy now. It's crazy to think my sweet little toddlers are now school aged kids. 

I've loved watching you go to school and make friends, even if you don't always love playing with other kids. Sometimes you'd much rather just hang out with me and I'm definitely okay with that! You always have to wear a "coskume" and are currently obsessed with power rangers and paw patrol. You have such a big imagination and are just so much fun!!

You are a big tease and definitely have an attitude, but you're also so thoughtful, affectionate, and sweet. Only with your closest people though. You come and lay with me every morning when you get up, and tell me, "Mom it's morning! Get out of bed!" And usually give me a kiss on the cheek. 

You've turned into quite the chatterbox lately. You say the funniest things! You really love to spend one on one time with me or dad. You love your big brother to death, most days to the point of driving him crazy! 😅 He is your best buddy and I love that. I'm so excited to watch you become a big brother in just a few weeks. You're such a helpful and loving boy, and I just know you're going to adore your baby sister. 

All you wanted for your birthday this year was to stay in a hotel. So, we are going to Vernal to help some friends brand and staying in a hotel. Your dream weekend! I love you little blondie. I hope you have the best birthday ever. 

When Your Mama's a Cowboy

When your Mama's a cowboy, your life will be a lot different than your friends'. You'll grow up outside, chasing cows and riding horses. 

When your Mama's a cowboy, you'll spend so many hours outside the roundpen looking in, watching her start a frisky colt. 

When your Mama's a cowboy, you'll probably have a lot of late nights chasing adventures.

You'll grow up watching a woman with a huge passion, admiring the way she never gives up.

When your Mama's a cowboy, you'll be strapped in a baby carrier and with her on the horse by the time you're 3 weeks old. And when you're 5, she'll lead you with her on your pony. 

When your Mama's a cowboy, free time is spent roping the dummy, grooming horses, and having friends over to chat and listen to your favorite cowboy songs.

When your Mama's a cowboy, she'll feel guilty every time she leaves you behind to gather the mountain, or go to a ranch roping, or doctor that lame bull. At the same time, she'll feel quite unable to stay put at home like society says she should.

When your Mama's a cowboy, she'll go through a rough time when you're really small. She's had so many life changes so quickly, you see. Her passions have changed a bit...and now you're #1 in her life. That takes some getting used to for her, having to slow down a bit and give up some of her favorite activities for a while. She really doesn't mind though, and sharing her passions with you is her newfound and unexpected greatest joy. She can't wait to watch you grow up and be a cowboy just like her. ❤️

When it Was All Just a Dream Pt 5

It's been ten years, this year. Ten years since I fell head over heels for a wild young boy. I know you probably didn't have in mind then the life we'd have in the future, but I sure did. Remember when it was all just a dream?

We were so young, but I knew you were it for me. With you, I finally felt like I belonged somewhere. It took a long road and a lot of growing up, but we sure made it into something beautiful! Remember when it was all just a dream?

With you, with our boys, is the only place I truly belong. You accept my faults, and they are many, without judgment or criticism. You're my safe place to land and I'd be lost without you. I remember when this life was a dream.

It's been a whirlwind the last couple of years, with so many life changes happening so quickly. But now, we're finally in a place where we can build the things we've dreamt of and talked about for years. All those dreams finally coming to fruition...it still feels unreal.

And it's all thanks to you. Your hard work and perseverance to make our dreams come true. I love you to the moon. We sure are living our dream!

Tell is 5

It's not just your birthday, sweet boy. It's mine too. The day you were born, so was I. I was born to be your Mama, and you fulfilled my purpose. 

You are the kindest, most thoughtful boy. You are so empathetic. I know it can take a toll sometimes. I learn so much from your unconditionally loving, so forgiving, giving the benefit of a doubt self. 

You love people so much, and always know what to say to make someone feel special. You're everything we never knew we needed before we had you. I don't know what we'd do without you. 

You tell the best jokes, and are so good at "all kinds of cool tricks" as you put it. You're such a good helper, and I appreciate you so much. You're definitely a mama's boy, and all you want from life is time and attention from your favorite people. 

You're such a good brother, even if it's trying at times. You and Cas are the cutest little buddies, and I hope you always stay best friends.

You are so grown up and responsible. You really love to go "vetting" with Tyler, who you are just obsessed with. I love that you want to be a vet, and that you are so passionate about anything you love!

For your birthday this year, all you wanted was to go camping and some walkie talkies 😅 I just love your little quirky self to death. You bring so much magic to my daily life and are always reminding me to stop and smell the roses, literally. You give me life and purpose. I hope you know you can count on your family for anything. We love you more than life, little Tell boy. ❤️ Happy 5th Birthday 🥹🥹

To Cas on His Third Birthday

My little Cas,

You really aren't so little anymore! My sweet, smart, spitfire, stubborn, tough, hilarious little fella. You are hell bent on accomplishing whatever you make up your mind to do. You do everything you do in complete earnest...except when you're teasing your brother! You are SUCH a tease and I know for sure you got that from your dad. 

You have earned the nickname Crash because of the way you just barrel through life! You don't have much thought beyond what is happening right now and you just run to it with no fear! I both admire and worry about this trait; you'll have to learn the hard way with a lot of things I'm afraid!

You are so funny to hang out with. You have such an imagination and you always make me laugh with your antics. You're very tender hearted despite your head-strong ways, and can't stand for anyone to be mad at you. You come to me with those sweet, chubby hands outstretched, crying and saying "Mama" with big alligator tears on your cheeks if ever you get in trouble. 

You're so lovable and are my sweet angel boy. You're also fearsome when you get mad! It's like Dr Jekel and Mr Hyde with you! You don't do anything halfway.

You're very helpful and maybe a bit OCD 😅 you keep track of everyone around here, and always seem to know where things are. You remind me not to forget things before we leave the house and I find that just hilarious.

 You're so loving and friendly and have such a big heart, but you can't stand to leave mama to go with anyone else, except your daddy. You sure love that dad of yours. 

You are such a defender of the people you love. NOBODY is allowed to be mean to your brother while you're around. Use that courageous, protective streak to defend those that need it. 

I'm grateful for you every day, and despite your wildness, you still bring so much peace to my soul. I love you forever, little big guy! 

Love, Mama