When It Was All Just A Dream pt 7

BUSY. That's what the whole year has felt like. Flying by in a crazy blur of work, school, family parties, cows, horses, and everything else. I feel like I haven't caught my breath since last summer. But I turn around and there you are, the calm in my chaos, reining in my anxiety and quieting my overwhelm. Remember when it was all just a dream?

I don't think we realized the challenges we would have to meet in this life when we started out. Does anyone? But I'm so glad I get to do it with you. The kids, the cows, the horses, all of it. It keeps us busier than we can manage. Remember when it was all just a dream?

In the quiet moments of reflection, I see how much God has blessed us and continues to do so every day. He throws wrenches in our carefully laid "plans" because He knows what we truly need. And all we can rely on in this chaos that is life is God and each other. Remember when it was all just a dream?

Sometimes it feels as though we're just floating on our faith and hopes for the future, others it feels as though we might finally have our feet under us. But man, what a beautiful journey. It wouldn't be exciting at all if everything went according to plan. We'll just trust in the Lord, hold on to each other for all we're worth, and see where the next year takes us. I can't even imagine what a dream it'll be!

Story Snippets: All She Ever Wanted

She trotted her big roan horse over the hill, trying to get ahead of some cows. They'd ridden up from the bottom to push the cows to more feed. It was dry and dusty after a long hot summer with nearly no rain. The sage, cedar, and dust of the cow trail filled her senses as the sun dipped behind the horizon. She came down off the hill at a run, beating the horned cow before she got too far north. As she turned around to look back up the hill, she laughed out loud with delight to see two little hats bobbing above the sagebrush; her two little boys on their ponies, staying behind the herd and pushing them down the hill. This is it, she thought. All I ever wanted.

Tell is 7

My dear sweet boy,

As the years fly by and I watch you grow up, I can't help but be ecstatic, heartbroken, and incredibly proud. Each version of you is my favorite and none of them are permanent. You're changing before my eyes. Getting so independent, yet still wanting to be my little boy. 

I'm sorry I'm impatient most of the time. I feel like I rarely have a moment to slow down and just look at you. Your beautiful green eyes, the sweet sprinkle of freckles across your nose, those long dark eyelashes. You're always so thoughtful and helpful to me. Your sweet spirit radiates light and kindness everywhere you go. You love everyone and every person you meet is a potential new friend. You teach me every day how to be more like our Savior. I can't imagine a person more like Him than you, my sweet boy.

You're so funny and the most talkative little person. You're bright and sometimes sarcastic, really leaning into your attitude lately. You're smart and stubborn and are always full of big ideas. I love how creative you are. 

You always say you are everything you love and that is beautiful to me. You are so wise beyond your years. Everyone is made up of the things they love, and it's unbelievable that you recognize that at such a young age. 

Don't let the world tamp down your sweet spirit. You're tough too, so don't let anyone step on your toes. I love you more than life, sweet Tell boy. Happiest birthday. 

Love, Mama

The Next Generation

I stand at the side of the arena, holding the baby and watching my two small boys play tag on their ponies. A cowboy is all they want to be.

My oldest rides his sometimes cantankerous pony, moving some cows. She's not cooperating with him and pitches forward, head down and feet splayed, unseating my little boy, who is all of 40 inches tall. He rolls into the dirt, promptly jumps up, and yells, "What has gotten into you!" Gets back on, and away they go.

I watch my 5 year old son, bareback on a big, tall gelding as he trots around and rides like he was born on the back of a horse. 

I ride with my boys, a baby strapped to my back, as we move our cows up the road to a new summer pasture. 

They proudly proclaim to anyone who will listen,

"We're cowboys! We're not afraid of anything!"

They're brave, strong, determined, and full of fire. They're kind, soft, thoughtful, loving, and willing. Their horses are their mirrors and it's a beautiful thing to see. 

My baby girl giggles as the whiskers of her pony tickle her face. I watch her sigh and breathe deep when the horse blows on her, trying to catch her scent. She rides along on our big roan gelding with me, grabbing his mane in two chubby fists and kicking her feet, squealing with delight. This is what it's all about, watching them fill their souls with the life we're building them. Cowboys aren't a dying breed. We're raising the next generation. 

Watch That Branch

I was with my Grandpa on the Bar J Ranch, a place that will always have a special hold on my heart. 

I was riding his old, cantankerous gelding who was fast on his feet and heavy on the bit. We had ridden up to the top of the road above the ranch house and behind the barn to get some strays out the gate. This gate was not in a great location. Twice I'd been bucked off Grandpa's palomino colt up there because of a bog you had to cross to get to the gate, and today we had to chase the neighbor's cows through the thick oak brush on the other side. Well old Norman knew his job, but didn't much care to listen to his rider when she happened to be a 14 year old girl. He dashed through the oak brush having no care for himself or for me, only for the cows. He ducked and dodged, and one branch hit me squarely on the side of my eye and nearly unseated me. The old boy didn't slow down, and Grandpa was hollering at me to get around the cows before they made a break for it. I'll tell you, cowboying will toughen you up from a young age.

Happy Anniversary

On our third anniversary, Ty told me there were 4 or 5 pair that had come off the mountain and we needed to trailer load them and haul them off. We got down the road and set up the trailer next to the fence with a couple panels. We had our 2 year old boy, 5 month old baby, and a couple horses in the trailer. It was supposed to be a "real quick" operation (they never turn out that way with a rancher) and so I loaded Tell on our Sunny mare with me. Castle was asleep and it was a cool day, so we left him napping safely in the truck. Ty was on a 4 wheeler and Tell and I zipped down the fence and started trailing the cows up to the gate. They were maybe only 50 yards from the truck, so it really should've been a quick job. But there's always that one cow. 

She was red, of course. It's always a red cow or a brockle that will give you trouble. She took off in the opposite direction and we played hell chasing her down. We barely got it done, even with a good cowhorse and a 4 wheeler. My tough little guy bounced on the saddle in front of me as we chased her down. It took a few tries but we finally got the old biddy and got them all loaded in the trailer after some shouting and maybe a lot of cursing. Afterwards, my husband remarked that we should've just trailed the b*tches. We finished off our special night with Mo Bettas, eaten in the truck in the parking lot since it was the middle of the pandemic. 

Not Quite Bucked Down

I watched my husband rope a few big steers from the comfort of my nice little red gelding. He was riding our new blue horse who was known to get a little broncy at times. We had been gathering a mountain pasture all day, and finally made it back to the corral. The boss wanted a few steers roped to trailer load them and Ty and a few other guys got to the task. The blue gelding did fairly well for the first couple of steers, but the third one did him in. It took off running behind him after he got it necked, and it hit the end of the rope hard. Well that ole blue horse decided enough was enough and cracked in half. I heard someone yell "pitch your coils!" 

But my husband being who he is, that is about as stubborn and hard headed as the blue horse and the steer put together, kept his dallies and rode the bucks out of that horse still tied off to that big steer. When the horse was done pitching a fit, he got short on his rope, drug that steer so someone else could heel him, and they got done what they needed to. 

To this day, I've never seen someone else be able (or willing) to ride the bucks out of a horse while keeping their dallies. But I've seen Ty do it quite a few times.

Black Out

We'd had a long day, and at the end still had to go push some cows through a gate and around the hill because they'd gotten onto the neighbor's piece. I rode my great, big grey mare. She was so tall I had to teach her to pick me up on whatever I could find. A truck bed, trailer fender, rock, hill, gate brace, you name it. It was getting dark and there was no moon. Not even a star twinkled in the black sky. I knew Triston and Tyrell were somewhere nearby, but I couldn't see them. I couldn't even see the cows, just hear their heavy breathing and feel their warm bodies as they passed me. I wasn't even sure if we were going the right way. The only reason I could see my horse's ears was because they were white. We were moving along a fence line next to a county dirt road, rarely traveled but occasionally a car would pass and then I could know for a few seconds where on earth I was. I knew when we made it to the gate because the cows stopped, and I could hear Triston singing somewhere nearby. We got all the girls through the gate, jumped our horses in the trailer, and went back to camp. It was quite a night, though Ty claims he doesn't remember it now. 

Bandit Moon

We had to push some heifers from a far off pasture one day and clear to the corral above camp. They were going to be preg-checked by the vet. By the time we got them to the pasture closest to the corral, it was dark. The moon was full, intense, and bright. Usually when you're moving cows, there is a LOT of noise. The cows bellering, the dogs barking, horses whinnying. This night, we moved heifers under the bandit's moon. All was quiet and you could hear the clicking of hooves as they trailed towards camp. It was so surreal. There was something in the air that night, and even the dogs were quiet. Tucker was a mustang gelding I was riding that night, young and with only about 10 rides on him. He could feel it too, and not a whinny escaped him. That's a night I wish I could relive and one I don't believe I'll ever forget. 

Grounded

Tyrell and Stetson went to find a cow and calf pair one day that weren't where they were supposed to be. They came upon them in the creek bottom and commenced to pushing them out. They ended up having to rope the cow, and Stetson got a line on her. He was riding our big dun mustang mare called Sunny. I guess his saddle wasn't tight, and the ornery old cow was giving him hell. Sunny ducked her head and the saddle came over her head and forelegs with and ended with Stetson sitting in the saddle on the ground with his rope still dallied and the cow on the other end. I didn't get to see all this happen, but I had to clean up Stetson's face that night and give it some bandage sutures from where the cow kicked him.

Bunch of Bull

Another adventure on the Northern Utah ranch we worked for occurred one fall day when we were gathering some of the upper pastures South of camp. We'd made a big sweep and brought a bunch of cows into the holding pasture. I was riding a little mustang mare called Spook, and had my dog with me. I ran on to a big bull just above camp, and went to push him down the trail. He stood eyeing me as I came closer, and my dog nipped his nose. That old bull moved so fast. In a couple steps he whipped my dog through the air and came for my horse. He rammed her and we decided we'd need some backup. We finished pushing what cows we had and found Tyrell, Stetson, and Brayden. We got the truck and trailer parked in a gate ready to load him in and attempted to push him to it. I say attempted because he was the orneriest bull I've encountered before or since. Most people are under the impression that bulls will charge at you and are generally dangerous. The truth is that most bulls are lazy and fairly easy going. It's the cows you have to watch out for. But this big guy wasn't having any of our shenanigans. Tyrell and Stetson both had a loop on him on the run when we got close to the trailer. Both tried to slow him down and guide him into the trailer, but he jerked those ropes and cleared the fence instead. 

He was hidden down in the willows along the creek and we finally forced him out. Stetson had a line on him on his big, grey gelding. Well that bull took a couple steps toward him, picked up that horse with his head and tossed him across the creek like it was nothing. 

We never did get that bull loaded, or to the corral. 

Sunk

I worked with my husband before we were married on a moderately sized ranch in Northern Utah. Cow camp was a couple sheep camps and an old truck bed camper, a tough shed with a toilet, shower, and sink, and a tack shed. We had a catch pen out back for the horses and we spent late summer and fall pushing cows and then making the big gather to ship to winter range on the West desert. One particular day, we gathered one of the East pastures (a holding pasture near camp) to run cows through the corral. I was riding my little grulla horse and trying to avoid the swampy places in the pasture. I watched the cows cross one sketchy spot, and figured since I could see a trail it must be somewhat solid. My little horse started across tentatively and almost immediately sunk to his belly. Never one without ambition, he started buck jumping and somehow we made it out with me still aboard. He got a little cautious of crossing swampy spots after that. The last straw for him was riding across the creek after some cows, same pasture but different day, and followed the cows across only to sink his front end in the middle of the creek and hit his chin on the other side. I came off in a tuck-and-roll on the bank, and he was up and running. He never did like water crossings after that, and I'm still wary myself.

The Old Brahma Cross

I had a cowboy job one summer when I was 20. I'd spent my day off grooming horses and cleaning tack. I got a call from Jim asking me to leave as soon as possible and meet him at his house. I loaded up my grulla pony and headed his way. He said we had cows out up on the Crane Place.

We headed up the mountain..it was the end of June and we'd had the driest, hottest spring in years. It was 95 degrees and about 3pm when we jumped our horses out of the trailer. Jim told me it would be a fast trip so we didn't bother taking water with us.

We started up the road near the old homestead, where a rock foundation still stands. My horse jumped about a mile and there was a rattler curled under some sagebrush alongside the road. Jim shot it, only to find two more by the foundation. Underneath the old house was a huge nest of rattlers, the biggest ones I'd seen. My little horse got nervous every time we went up there after that.

We continued up the road to gather up the few pair of mother cows and calves we could find. They'd gotten into the hayfield. Since it was time to move all the cows off the Crane Place, we decided to push them into the corral and load them in the trailer. The trouble was, one of the cows was a big, old, mean brahma cross. Huge, brindle, horned and cranky, the old gal was a sight to behold. She wasn't too fond of us trying to push her in the trailer. We got her calf in, but she'd come from clear across the corral and ram my little horse. She went for Jim and I thought for sure she'd hook his old mare. But she made straight for the fence, cleared it, and away she went. We gave up on her that day.

After our trek back to the trailer, our quick little jaunt had turned into about 4 hours. I was dusty, hot, and thirsty. And my poor little horse shook every time he saw that cow thereafter. 

Tell Is 6

My sweetest baby boy,

I don't know how you're growing up on me so fast. I often feel cheated because the oldest child has to grow up so quick and I know it's not fair to either of us. I'm so grateful for you and the patience you have for me, trying to learn how to parent and having to experiment on you. The trouble is, you change every day. And so, I have to try new things every day.

You're always sweet, kind, and helpful and always so forgiving of your less-than-perfect mama. 

You're getting to the age that you want to be older than you are, and I know we butt heads a lot. We're both stubborn and opinionated and have to learn things the hard way. But since we're so alike, it also means that I understand you in ways nobody else can. I'm grateful we have that connection.

I know this year has been hard on you, and that having a new baby means that I don't have a lot of time every day to spend just hanging out with you. Just know it will get better as she gets older, and know I'm here for you always, even if we don't get a lot of time just for the two of us anymore. 

I'm so proud of the person you're becoming, and the sweet and caring boy you've always been. You are the most thoughtful, empathetic, wonderful kid. You always see the good in others and have patience for people, like your dad does. You're the cutest little cowboy and love to ride Brownie Girl. Nettie is your best little friend and you'd take her everywhere if you could. You're good at everything you try, and you're so determined when you really want to learn something. 

I'm proud of you, Tell, and I love you so much. Today and every day. I can't believe you're 6.

Love, Mama

Castle is 5

Dear Cas,

You're growing up way too fast little buddy!

You've grown and changed so much in the last year. You became a big brother and are always watching out for Montie and helping me with her however you can. 

You are so sweet and loving, and very loyal to your people. You are reckless and full of sass and energy. You give me a heart attack almost every day, but I wouldn't have it any other way! You're totally fearless and love to try new things.

Big groups of people are not your favorite and you don't really like strangers, but you love to be surrounded by the people you love. Tell is your favorite person and you want to do everything he does. He's your best buddy and I'm so glad you two are such good friends.

You have a sweet and sensitive side you don't show to everyone, but you always have love and hugs for me and I love that. I'm the only person that will do if you're hurt or embarrassed and I'm here for all those moments, every day. 

You still live up to your nickname "Crash" although you're also extremely good at anything you try and pick up new skills like it's no effort at all. 

You're so smart, funny, brave, wild, loud, and sweet, all wrapped up in a little blond package. We love you the most, Cassy boy. I can't believe you're 5!

Love, Mama

I Don't Ever See Us Growing Apart

I don't ever see us growing apart.

We've grown up together. We've become adults and parents together. We've pulled ourselves and sometimes each other up by our bootstraps when things got tough. 

We've matured and grown so much emotionally in the decade we've known each other. For the most part, we've done it together. Sometimes, it's me learning something and teaching it to you. Other times, it's you motivating me and sometimes pulling me along while you're working towards something.

I don't ever see us growing apart.

We choose each other time after time. Sometimes there's a little bit of drift, and we have to reconnect. But we always do. Sometimes we're each lost in our own world, our own responsibilities and it feels like we're far apart. Then we'll walk a day in each other's shoes and remember that we're in this together.

I don't ever see us growing apart.

We're so different in the way we think and do most things, and naturally that can cause frustration. But our goals for this life and our biggest passions remain synonymous. 

I don't ever see us growing apart. We remain hand in hand through life's many ups and downs. I see us..

Growing up

Growing together

Growing in love

Growing our family

Growing our dreams

Growing old

But never apart.

XO

The Cowboy's Wife